


Brain Damage

by MsMarvelous



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Anger, Asgard, Avengers Family, Best Friends, Brain Damage, Brotherly Love, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes is a fighter, Clint Is a Good Bro, Cryogenics, Disability, Domestic Avengers, Eventual Happy Ending, Fear, Friendship, Healing, Hope, Humiliation, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Wanda Maximoff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Love, Magic, Medical, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Pain, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Protective Steve Rogers, Resilience, Rumlow is complicated, Sam is a Saint, Science Bros, Suffering, Teamwork, Thor Is Not Stupid, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tony Stark Has A Heart, spoon feeding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:49:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6795460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMarvelous/pseuds/MsMarvelous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sargent James Buchannan Barnes has taken control of his life. He stands strong fighting alongside his fellow Avengers, finding redemption after years of forced servitude that has left him with a guilty conscience and willful determination to make things right. After more than a year of recovery and time to reclaim himself he is once more in the field and using his lethal abilities for good.<br/>On a mission things go wrong and the aftermath leaves everyone devastated and Steve is once again forced to watch as his friend suffers through a healing process more arduous then before. Thankfully the Avengers are more than a team of Super Heroes, they are a Family and together they are the strength that holds Steve together.</p><p> </p><p>As much as I liked Civil War this is totally non-compliant with the movie and as a side note,..... (SPOILER) WTF!..... Bucky WOULD NOT volunteer to go back in Cryo….. No F-ing way!!!!!...... And whether you agree or do not agree with my perception of what Bucky would feel about Cryo freeze, please take the time to read my story and understand why I feel that way, or don't. I send you love either way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these Characters but sometimes I feel like they own me.
> 
> Authors notes: This can be read as a standalone or as a possible third part from my two stories, “No More Pain” and “ To be The Man That I Am…Bucky’s Recovery.” One thing that doesn’t quite match up is the metal arm but lets just say he uses the metal arm during combat and the flesh looking arm during time off.
> 
> Also lets say, if you do want to count this as a third part to the other two stories, at some point Age of Ultron happened and Bucky was……ummmm…. Taking some personal time,…. Or something… I guess.
> 
> In this story we see the effects of Severe Brain Damage and Trauma. In the chapters about recovery I will try to include links to YouTube videos that inspired how I try and depict the harm done and recovery process. What can I say,…. I am a sucker for hurt/comfort,….. poor Bucky!

Brain Damage

 

Sleeping Sickness  
by  
City of Color

I awoke, only to find my lungs empty  
And through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing  
And now my dreams, are nothing like they were meant to be  
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down  
And I'm afraid, to sleep because of what haunts me  
Such as, living with the uncertainty  
That'll never find the words to say  
Which would completely explain, just how I'm breaking down  
Someone come and, someone come and save my life  
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides  
And all the worries that occupy the back of my mind  
Could it be, this misery will suffice  
I've become, a simple souvenir of someone's kill  
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill  
Madness fills my heart and soul as if the  
Great divide could swallow me whole, oh how I'm breaking down  
Someone come and, someone come and save my life  
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides  
And all the worries that occupy the back of my mind  
Could it be, this misery will suffice  
Someone come and, someone come and save my life  
Someone come and, someone come and save my life  
Someone come and, someone come and save my life  
Could it be, this misery will suffice

Sargent James Buchannan Barnes was pressed against the metal wall of the underground bunker, his breaths coming in short wincing gasps gritting his teeth as he used his metal arm to pull out the jagged piece of sheet metal that had punctured his right side in a long, deep gash. He grunted as he dropped the blood soaked metal onto the ground with a clatter then bent down with a hiss of pain as he grabbed his riffle off the dusty ruble and inspected it. He huffed with irritation at the bent and useless barrel then dropped it as he began assessing his current situation. Three knives still on his person, two hand guns but only three bullets in one, his ammo had been lost during the explosion as had his detonation devices. He blinked as his vision blurred red in his left eye and he quickly wiped it with his blue combat jacket sleeve, glancing at the fabric stained red from the wound on his forehead.

Sargent Barnes closed his eyes for a moment as a bout of nausea and vertigo coursed through him, his hearing still fading in and out. He took a deep steading breath aware that he was likely suffering from a concussion. The head ache was dull compared to the bright flaring sting of his side wound and based on the pain of breathing, he was also dealing with a few fractured ribs. With a resolute snort he pushed himself away from the wall, his one remaining gun with ammo in his left hand and his biggest knife in his right hand that he held close to his injured side. He took a step then two as he blinked his distorted vision and tried to clear his ringing hearing. 

Priority number one: Find Black Widow and Hawk Eye. 

They had been separated during the first set of explosions that came from underground. Bucky had called out to them in urgency when he heard Natasha cry out in pain but then there were the missals dropped from the stealth jets above. The Sargent had been sent flying and crashing down several levels into the subterranean base that he instantly recognized as Hydra. What was supposed to be a simple in and out recon mission, responding to a destructive energy surge in the middle of the Siberian wilderness, had turned into an ambush, a trap set by Hydra that had taken the three Avengers by complete surprise.

Bucky shook his head in annoyance as he thought back to that morning and the argument he had with Steve in front of the other Avengers. He had been on active duty with them for nearly four months, pulling his own weight and then some, proving to be more then capable of fighting alongside his friends and watching Steve’s back as the Captain recklessly through himself head first into every battle. The team had been already gathered for a mission assignment coming directly from Wakanda where Hydra operatives had forcibly taken over a Vibranium mine. King T'Challa had requested help from the Avengers as Hydra had taken the nearby village hostage, keeping the families of the mine worker’s at gun point while they forced them to hand over the precious metal.

The Avengers had been formulating their plan of attack when suddenly they received another urgent alert from Fury about the energy surge in Siberia. The Director explained how the energy reading was similar to that of the Tesseract and had sent out a destructive pulse that had decimated close to 100 miles of wilderness, stopping just 20 miles short of a remote town. S.H.I.E.L.D was evacuating the citizens but they were strapped for agents as they had also been sending field support to several other conflicts that had broken out around the globe.

A decision had to be made and the team split up. Captain America made the call, deciding He, Ironman, Thor, Vision and Scarlet Witch would go to Wakanda to help with the Hostage situation. Bruce would hang back at the Tower to receive the intel from the second team that was going to investigate the energy explosion in Siberia. Hawk Eye, Black Widow and The Sargent would go directly to the sight of the energy surge while The Falcon went to the nearby town to assist S.H.I.E.L.D and be on standby if the other three needed back up, his wings making response time faster than ground transport or Evac could provide.

Sargent Barnes had challenged his best friend’s decision immediately, stating that Ironman would be better able to evaluate the energy source and that Steve was once again trying to protect Bucky from dealing directly with Hydra. His statement had been made at first with a calm and rational tone but as Steve shut him down Bucky let his frustration get the better of him and the disagreement escalated until he stormed out of the meeting room after accusing Steve of doubting his ability to fight against Hydra because the Captain didn’t think he was reliable against his former captors. The other Avengers understood both sides and once in the plane Bucky begrudgingly accepted that the Captain was just trying to protect him. Sam, Clint and Natasha helped Bucky recognize how difficult a decision it was for Steve to even send Bucky out into the field without him nearby to make sure he was okay. By the time they had arrived in Siberia Bucky felt slightly embarrassed about his outburst that morning and sent Steve a text message apologizing. To his surprise he received a response instantly with Steve’s own apology and a request that Bucky keep himself and the other’s safe even though Natasha was appointed lead on the mission.

The Sargent blinked away his distracted thoughts and tried to hone in his Super Soldier senses on the present. He was making his way through the lower levels of the base as he tried to call to the Falcon for back up. To his displeasure, he quickly assessed after hearing only static that there was some kind of electric field hampering the com links. He swallowed down a growing sense of dread as he realized just how planed out this trap was and ideally wondered if the other Hydra activity had not been created as a deliberate distraction to divide the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D agents in the field. 

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind when he heard a familiar voice echoing over an intercom, the speaker located in the wall.

“Soldier,……. We have Hawk Eye and Black Widow. You have exactly one minute to make your way to level G, Room 6202 before we terminate these operatives.”

Bucky’s heart stopped and he felt his blood run cold even as The Winter Soldier processed the instructions and moved quickly as if on auto piolet. He knew that voice and the realization sent a shiver down his spine before a hot flash of anger coursed through him. Rumlow. The man had been MIA from S.H.I.E.L.D custody for almost 5 months. His miraculous disappearance had included the death of almost twenty S.H.I.E.L.D Agents had been part of the reason Steve finally relented and agreed to allow Sargent Barnes to return to active duty. The dread and foreboding that had gripped the Sargent’s heart was soothed by a burning rage and desire to personally seek vengeance against the Hydra operative who had been an active participant during much of his suffering.

Sargent Barnes let his anger and need for vengeance fuel his accelerated pace through the underground maze even as his instincts knew he was heading into a snake pit, injured and without adequate fire power. Good thing he as a Weapon himself and as much as he tried to distance himself from the persona of the Winter Soldier, in situations of combat he found it almost comforting that he could let the lethal abilities and single minded focus take over and keep him functioning even as his blood rushed and his heart pounded in his damaged ears. He was a force to be reckoned with and his mission was loud and clear in his mind.

Priority one: Secure fellow Avengers.

Priority Two: Unleash the full force of his fury on every single motherfucker that stood in his way.

Despite clear objectives and unwavering purpose, The Sargent felt his body go tense as he round the corner and heard the echo of a loud cracking sound followed by a muffled grunt of pain that was undeniably Clint. Bucky slowed his pace despite the urge to run toward the sound. He leveled his gun as he inched toward the doorway. Immediately he saw a Hydra agent step through into the hall and Bucky took the head shot before advancing at full force. He grabbed the falling corpse and used it as a shield as he barged into the room and took out the two operative that were standing over Natasha’s unconscious form, guns pointed at her head. He was about to throw his knife into the eye of a man standing over a shackled and bleeding Hawk Eye when he felt a sudden pull seize his metal arm and the knife, slamming him to the ground.

The Sargent let out a roar of rage as his left arm was magnetized to a panel in the floor, trapped with a force so strong he could not even curl his fingers. He growled in anger as his right hand grabbed another knife and threw it into the throat of the nearest visible Hydra Agent before he felt a shock wave of electricity rip through him, raking his body in agonizing waves of blinding pain. His vision shook as he collapsed completely on the floor with a choked gasp, disoriented and dazed, pain resonating deep in his bones.

After a moment he rolled on to his side, left arm still magnetized to the ground, right up and guarded, his legs drawn up and ready to lash out defensively. The Sargent looked around with wild eyes as he quickly analyzed his current predicament. Slightly behind him, just in reach of his peripheral vision he could see an unconscious body with red air, laying in a pool of red blood. He felt his gut clench in concern then he saw Clint next to her on his knees, arms shackled behind his back. He was leaning toward her, his body trying to shield her from the two Hydra agents that stood over him with stun batons and guns. Hawkeye looked up at Bucky with a determined stare, eyes piercing through a faced masked in blood. He was covered in cuts and burns and there was a steady oozing wound in his left leg that added to Natasha’s pool of blood.

Another three Hydra agents were dragging out the bodies of the operatives Bucky had neutralized while two others hovered near by him locked and loaded with what looked like tranquilizer guns, their eyes intently watching him. The Sargent felt a surge of panic at the sight of the tranquilizers as he realized instantly the purpose of the Hydra ambush. They were taking back their Asset.

Bucky’s head jerked up as far as he could while still guarding his body to see the voices behind him to his left. His heart hammered in his chest when he caught sight of what appeared to be six more Hydra agents and a man in a white coat fiddling with a computer that was linked up to a chair, a chair that sent shivers through him and for a second he had to work at suppressing a whimper of fear. His expression must have betrayed his terror as he heard a snicker from the heavily armed men who stood by the outdated maintenance chair. The Sargent clenched his jaw and snorted an indigent huff as he schooled his expression, a look of lethal intent and predatory savagery replacing his momentary weakness.

“Shut the Fuck up…….Idiots!” A graveled voice barked from just out of his vision before taking a few steps into his line of sight, walking slowly until he was directly in front of the trapped Sargent. Rumlow crouched down just out of reach, a calm, contemplative expression on his burnt and scared face. He looked Bucky directly in his eyes with a patient, almost curious smile. “Hey there Soldier,…. We’ve missed you.”


	2. Hold on

CH2

Falcon was in the air above the small town in the remote Siberian wilderness. He was monitoring the caravan of S.H.E.I.L.D Hum-vs and trucks carrying the citizens down the winding snow covered road when he heard a rumble of explosions erupt along the steep jagged mountain side. Sam Wilson’s jaw dropped at the unexpected eruption that set off a ripple through the treacherous landscape. Instantly he knew what was about to happen and as he swooped down toward the caravan of people about to be crushed by the impending avalanche, he had only a moment to glance over his shoulder in shock as he heard another round of explosions from 20 miles off in the direction of his team mates. Sam felt an icy stab of dread pierce his heart as he blinked in breathless shock at the clouds of smoke rising in the near distance. He watched for only another split second with growing alarm as a small platoon of bomber jets appeared from nowhere closing in no his teammate’s location. He let out a shout of anger as he knew without a doubt that the planes were not a relief team from SHEILD.

There was no time to think or plan, only make a choice and respond. The former paratrooper gritted his teeth in frustration turning away from the sky line and towards the imminent avalanche. Falcon flew as fast as he could toward the first SHEILD truck that was leading the caravan toward the base of the mountain where a Helicarrier awaited to transport the civilians to Moscow for medical containment and evaluation. Sam knew that the only chance they had was to get out of the path of destruction soon to be brought by the onslaught of snow. 

Thankfully, the field agent in charge was on the same page and the muscular Blond woman appeared out of the open window of the moving Truck with a large plasma cannon hoisted over her shoulder. She did not hesitate as she threw it into the air just as Falcon swooped down to catch it. Sam zoomed ahead around the corner of the mountain scape and instantly fired the continuous heated blast into the side of the solid rock that vaporized into dust particles as a tunnel was created. Sam gnashed his teeth as he held the heavy cannon in place, his eyes glancing in desperation toward the oncoming Snow. Sweat dripped down his brow as his goggles protected his eyes from the clouds of dust and rock debris. After a few more precious moments he stopped and covered his mouth as he flew up and away from the air that was thick and heavy with minerals. The Falcon gasped a breath of air as he watched with wide frantic eyes as the first SHEILD truck entered the newly created cavern followed by the others transport vehicles that were racing against time as the Snow began to mix with the dust, coving the road. Sam had to fly up and away, high enough to avoid the crushing snow. 

His body trembled with adrenalin as he heard the cries for help in his ear piece, Natasha sounding in pain and out of breath before a blanket of static drown her out. Sam looked into the distance as he gripped the Plasma cannon with both arms, and pointed them toward the six stealth jets that had just released their missals on the target location and were now headed back toward the town to finish off what the first round of explosions had started. Even as Falcon let out a steady breath and prepared to take on the multiple Flying hostels he swallowed back the nauseating certainty that The Avengers had been lured into a trap. Who was most likely responsible was an even more sickening realization. With only moments to spare he pressed his com badge as he cleared his throat.

“This is Folcan, Mayday,……..We are a code Red. I repeat Code Red.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Captain America through his shield with a cry of alarm into an engine of a HYDRA truck that was loaded down with Vibranium. His body was tense as he held his ear piece and called out to Sam as he punched and kicked two combatant agents.

“Falcon,….. Sam,…..What’s happening!” The Captain shouted then jumped out of the way of a blast from an energy cannon just before Ironman flew by and neutralized the threat with Repulsor beams.

“Ironman…..” The Captain shouted as he ran toward his shield, taking out three more gunmen as he went.  
“I heard him Cap!........ Jarvis…….” Tony’s commanding voice boomed just as Thor flew by sending lighting down on three advancing Tanks. 

I have already dispatched the Stark security enforcement Driods to the Falcon’s immediate coordinates Sir

“Response time from New York?” Ironman demanded as he blew up two more escaping Hydra trucks full of precious metal. 

No Sir. From your facility just outside of London that Ms. Pots had approved of. They should arrive in approximately 97 minutes sir.

“God I love that woman’s foresight!” Tony quipped as he sent an EPG into a cluster of soviet weaponry that was aimed at the Thunder God.

“That’s too long Stark!” The Captain shouted as his shield ricochet off another Hydra Tank and back into his arms as he ran toward Tony.

“Roger that Rogers!........Open to suggestions!” Tony huffed as he was blown back by a stealth sonic wave from an unseen location.

“Vision, Scarlet Witch………Status report!” The Captain heaved as he crouched down under his shield just as an onslaught of shrapnel exploded above him.

 

“I am disarming an extensive net work of cybernetic landmines that have been hidden within the village preventing evacuation.” Vision’s always calm voice was spoken in hast, aware of the urgency.

“I have control of six Hydra agents, there are still 10 more active” Wanda spoke in her thick accent as she crept slowly through the land minded village, careful of her steps as she lead the six armed men who followed her without question, lost in her mental manipulation.

“Alright,….. Who can fly fastest?” The Captain huffed as he was hammered down by the Sonic wave cannon that Stark had just been struck with.

“I Do!” Three voices belonging to Ironman, Thor and Vision all responded in unison and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Look just because you have a Hammer…..” Tony began but was cut off by Thor.

“Ironman your energy in still only made by man and limited by the elements of your realm.” Thor snorted as he directed a large lighting bolt at a stealth jet boomer that had just sprayed the fleeing minors and Avengers with bullets.

“Oh and of course magic beats science nowadays!” Stark huffed.

“Enough both of you, We don’t know what the others are up against. We need to send help NOW!” The Captain spoke with an obvious undercurrent of fear. Steve took on three more men with a desperate ferocity as he tried not to assume the worse.

“Captain I can provide aid to our teammates immediately If Ironman can take over the technical disarmament of the landmines.” Vision spoke again with patient authority, not challenging just simply stating as fact.

“Good!...... Vision Go help Falcon and keep us informed…… Ironman take over for him back at their village, Thor and I can handle the Mine while T’Challa helps arm his people are gather a resistance.” The Captain gave the order as he nodded toward Ironman who took of grumbling about smart mouth Androids and cosmic stones. Steve fought with reckless abandonment as he felt the uneasy worry threaten to distract him. The Captain hated feeling helpless and it was times like this that he envied those in his command who had powers of flight. As He threw his Shield again he let out a breathless prayer that his friends were uninjured, and that Bucky wasn’t in danger.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The Sargent fixed Rumlow with a hateful scowl as he contemplated grabbing his third and final hidden knife from inside his boot to through directly into Rumlows right eye. As if he could read his thoughts, Rumlow shook his head and made a tut tut noise with his tongue as he waged a finger, a smirk growing on his disfigured face.

“Common now,……. None of that…… I know that look Soldier!” Rumlow chastised as he glanced casually toward Bucky’s right boot where the third knife was hidden. The Sargent narrowed his eyes as he studied the Hydra Strike team captain, a man who seemed to know him, or at least the Winter Soldier, better then he did himself. Rumlow met his gaze and they shared a look, a silent communication and an unspoken connection that Bucky could not deny but also could not quite comprehend. The two men studied each other for a long moment before one of the Hydra operatives stepped forward and shouted in Russian.

“We don’t have time for you to gaze into his eyes Cowboy,…….We need to secure the Asset and move him before his comrades arrive!” The Russian operative barked and behind him the others snickered. 

“I am not an Asset you Red, Commie Bastard!..........I have a FUCKING NAME!” Sargent Barnes roared in desperate anger that stemmed from a gut wrenching panic the moment he heard the familiar term that he hated more than his code name. Winter Soldier was not a name he had chosen for himself but at least it was a name. Asset was derogatory and made him feel like Hydra’s property.

He was answered by a swift kick in his back from the closet Hydra guard who then stepped on the side of Bucky’s head smashing his face against the cement floor.

“YOU ARE HYDRA”S WEPON…….YOU DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS I SAY!” The Guard hissed in Russian as he ground his heel against Bucky’s cheek bone and the Sargent spat back a slue of Russian curses before Rumlow grunted in annoyance and shoved the Russian’s leg back off of Bucky’s head. He rolled his eyes then looked up at them with mild agitation and subdued hostility.

“I am lead on this mission Captain Andropov…….Get the trucks ready to move and make sure the Cryo tank is secured!” Rumlow stayed knelt infornt of Barnes but he held the other officer’s intense stair until the man snorted and took a step back, grubling some orders at two of the men who walked out of the room. Rumlow looked back down at Bucky who was trying to control the shiver that raked through his body at the mention of the Cryo Tube. The Sargent kept his expression guarded but also fixed Rumlow with an appraising look. The burned man huffed a laugh as he sat back on his butt, legs bent, one up and one down, easy and relaxed.

“Didn’t know I spoke Russian huh?” Rumlow chuckled as he took out a cigarette and offered the pack towards Bucky who just glared at him. He shrugged and put them away before lighting one. He took a long drag then after a thoughtful look he leaned forward and spoke in a low tone.

“Had to learn it once you got shipped State side,………. all messed up and wild eyed,…….. screaming yer head off in Russian and trying to slit yer own throat after what those Commies did to ya.” Rumlow mused. He gave Bucky a knowing look then glanced up at the other Russian Hydra agents and back to the silent Soldier that was glaring at him with labored, wheezing breaths. “But Don’t you worry about it Big Guy,… I won’t leave you alone with them this time……. I’ll be around to make sure these Commie Bustards keep their hands to them selves….. and their dicks in their pants!”

Rumlow winked with a sly smile as Bucky’s face went pale and a tremor ran through him, eyes wide as he clenched his jaw and finally looked away with deep shame and sickening horror. The Sargent squeezed his eyes shut as an array of ugly, humiliating memories ripped through his mind’s eye and he swallowed back the urge to through-up as he choked on a muffled whimper. Almost gently Rumlow ruffled the Soldier’s short brown hair as if to reassure him.

“That’s why I wouldn’t go throwing any knifes my way Soldier,….. I am gonna be the only friend you got out here in the Motherland, and I am gonna need both eyes to keep watch over that backside of yours.” Rumlow smiled as he whispered while patting the restrained Sargent like a pet dog. “We both know just how perverted and twisted these Russian Hydra agents can be,….. and these boys have been bunkered up in fucking Siberia for over a year,…. Just waiting to get you back and in their control.” Rumlow smirked as he sat back with a satisfied look on his disfigured face and took another long drag as Bucky hid his contorted expression with his flesh arm, body shaking in rage and fear and humility.

“Don’t Listen to him Barnes!...... Whatever he’s saying to you is Bullshit!” Hawkeye shouted from across the room after watching Bucky’s shattered reaction to Rumlow’s whispered words. He grunted in pain as one of the Hydra soldiers jabbed him with a stun baton into the side of his neck before he crumbled to the ground next to Natasha, wheezing as he struggled to keep his eyes locked with The Sargent who fixed him with a desperate look before turning back toward Rumlow.

“Let them go!....... You have me, I’ll go willingly if you order those Russian scum to back off!” Bucky growled at Rumlow with a tone that was a mixture of plea and demand, blue eyes a torrent of emotion. He was answered by a smirk from Rumlow who turned toward the nervous man in the lab coat who was fussing over the old computer and maintenance chair.

“That thing ready yet Doc,…. We’re on a bit of a time crunch here.” Rumlow sighed as he took a final drag and put it out on the bottom of his boot before standing up. The man in the lab coat turned with an uncertain expression and a shake of his head as he rubbed his neck.

“This whole set up is from the 60’s…….It’s outdated soviet technology that hasn’t been used in decades.” The technician huffed in annoyance, his English accent indigent. “I am trying to translate the last technicians notes to know how to adjust the voltage accordingly but….” The Doctor was silenced as the Sargent’s last knife was thrown directly through his Trachea.

Instantly Rumlow stepped back with slight surprise and then turned toward Bucky who was trying to deflect and fight back against the four Russian Hydra guards who advanced on him with stun buttons and boots that kicked his already fractured ribs. There was a flurry of motion and one Hydra pon was sent flying across the room and another landed hard on the floor before he received a jaw shattering boot to his teeth from a franticly defensive Sargent Barnes who was desperately fighting back..

“Enough!” Rumlow barked as he shouted at the guards and pushed them back, gesturing for two of them to drag the man with the broken jaw away. He sighed and whipped his face as he shook his head starring down at the gasping Soldier who was curled in over himself protecting his injured torso and bleeding head wound, twitchy from the aftershocks of the stun batons.

“Dammint Soldier!” Rumlow sighed again as he glanced with annoyance at the dying Lab Tec with a shake of his head and a huff, glaring at the gurgling last moments of the twitching man. Rumlow again squatted down and met the blue eyes that shown bright with pain and desperation between fresh streaks of blood. “ You are going into that chair one way or another,….. but now we are just gonna have to wing it and hope we don’t over fry that stubborn brain of yours!!!!” Rumlow huffed as he shook his head again and looked at the Sargent with a sad, disappointed frown. 

“Fuck,…….You!” Bucky growled with shallow, pained breaths as blood dripped from his lips, teeth clenched, a defiant and determined grimace on his face. Rumlow looked at him with an amused huff and rolled his eyes as he sighed, rubbing his eyes before he looked up at another Hydra agent and nodded. 

Bucky hissed in reaction as three tranquilizer darts landed in the side of his neck. Almost immediately he felt the paralyses over take his tensed body and he slumped heavily onto the ground with a animalistic grunt, limp and only able to make clumsy, jerking movements. It was not like other sedatives however as his mind was alert and active, screaming at his useless body to fight back and do something as Rumlow turned off the magnetic plate that had held him immobile. The Burned man took a few steps forward then used his boot to push the limp Soldier onto his back. He looked down at the prone figure who was wheezing shallow breaths, his eyes frantic as he struggled to move his useless muscles. With a frustrated and helpless cry of rage the Sargent locked his panicked eyes on Rumlow, a storm of emotion pouring out from his blue gaze, pleading and threatening, wide and desperate.

“You are stupid Cowboy,….. We should have used zee tranqulizers first,…. Before he could kill doctor.” One of the Russians huffed in accented English as he slung the dart gun onto his shoulder.

“They don’t last long on him you Russian moron,….. I was waiting for the Doc to say the chair was ready.” Rumlow spat and then glared down at Bucky with mild resentment.

“Guess you were just anxious to get back into your thrown huh Big Guy,…… reclaim that title as Fist of Hydra!” Rumlow smirked as he looked away from the blue pleading eyes that tugged at the heartstrings Rumlow long ago severed. Empathy was weakness. Plan and simple.

“Rumlow,……. Don’t do it!........ He wont be any use to Hydra if you destroy his mind,…..damage his brain so he can’t even follow orders or hold a gun!” Barton shouted between pained gasps as he spit out blood, his throat muscles swollen and damaged from the shock of the stun baton. The Avenger had managed to sit up on his knees again and was glaring at Rumlow with hatred and disgust.

“Hah!.......Ain’t like I got a lot of options here Agent Barton!........ Not after your team has taken out so many of our bases in the civilized world,….. The Avengers destroyed the Maintenance chairs that had been specifically calibrated to ensure we wouldn’t cause unnecessary damage!” Rumlow spat in irritation as he took a step toward Hawkeye who looked from Rumlow toward the Russians who were cutting Bucky’s combat jacket from his injured body as the Sargent lay limp in their hands, muscles spasiming as he tried to fight the paralysis.

“So now here we are!....... A dead Technician and retro model chair,……. Hell,….. we don’t even have all the fancy chemicals they use to inject him with before freezing so he wouldn’t have to heal from hypothermia when he comes out…….” Rumlow laughed as he threw a hand up helplessly. “But hey,… sometimes ya gotta work with what ya got,….. right?” Rumlow smirked at Barton’s heated glare. The statement had been a shared joke between the two men only a few years before when they had been on a mission together for SHEILD, trapped behind enemy lines and without any weapons. Rumlow had been Injured and when he asked what the hell they were supposed to do, Hawkeye had just helped him stand and then half carried him as he joked about the virtues of improvising.

Clint looked past Rumlow toward Sargent Barnes, a man he had spent more than a year and a half getting to know. He had bared witness to the unmaking of the Winter Soldier and the rebirth of Sargent James Buchannan Barnes, a long and tedious process that was both painful to watch and humbling. Hawkeye had been there from the beginning and had seen him fight and claw his way back from the programming and conditioning that he had been a slave to for so long. Barton had helped him see hope when he was overcome with despair and had reassured him when he doubted his own sanity. He respected Bucky and just like Steve and the others, he was disgusted by what Hydra had subjected him to and the unbearable suffering that he had been struggling to recover from. They were more than allies and teammates, they were friends and he felt a burning rage and desperate need to prevent what was about to happen. Where the hell was Falcon!

Rumlow turned toward the other Hydra agents as they dragged the limp but fully conscious and aware body towards the chair, hosting him up and into position. The Sargent’s bare torso was covered in blood from the large gash in his right side as was his face from the head wound. One of the Russian guards grumbled as he took a wet cloth and roughly whipped away some of the blood. Rumlow walked over and inspected the head wound before grunting in annoyance as he looked down and met The Soldier’s terrified eyes that were large and wet, short panicked gasps of air choking out through his open mouth.

“And probably a concussion on top of every thing else?....... Christ Soldier,…… we are just ignoring all the protocols with this one!......... I hope that Super Soldier serum holds up!....... But thanks to your little stunt with the Doc over there….” Rumlow gestured with his head toward the dead man in the white coat. “We are just going to cross our fingers and hope for the best!......... Improvise,…. Right Clint?” Rumlow chuckled and patted the side of the Soldier’s face before he stepped away and smiled at Barton over his shoulder who was almost shaking with rage. 

Barton looked from Rumlow back toward Bucky once more as the paralyzed man began making pleading noises in his throat, eyes wide and full of fear as the other Hydra agents manually lowered the head restraint and adjusted the restraints tight over his twitching arms, legs and chest. Bucky’s frantic eyes darted toward Hawkeye as he hyperventilated, unable to control the sheer terror that was so visible in his tearful gaze. With a choked cry he blinked and a single tear escaped down his cheek, then another before he closed his eyes tight as a man roughly shoved a mouth guard in-between his teeth. Clint felt his stomach turn and he croaked out a desperate reassurance to his distressed teammate, aware that this was Bucky’s worse nightmare come true, to once more be strapped into the chair that burned away who he was and left him empty.

“We will find you Sargent Barnes,….. I promise,…… Your stronger than them,….. Just try to hold on……” Clint’s words were desperate and meaningless as a lever was pulled and the lights flickered. The sound of electricity filled the air along with the stench of burning hair and flesh as Bucky’s body lurched in the restraints and he screamed in a way that was truly horrifying as blue electrical currents covered his head and face. 

The sight was sickening and the sound of Bucky’s screams mixed with the smell of blood, sweat and burning flesh was all consuming. Clint was clenching his own teeth as he looked away and down toward Natasha who was so still she looked dead. Hawkeye shook as he felt a sense of desperation and helplessness that was almost foreign to him and so debilitating that he could not help but feel tears in his own eyes as he listened to his friend’s soul shattering cries of agony.


	3. He's Gone

Ch. 3

 

Vison had materialized beside Sam without the winged man even realizing it and just in time to take down the two remaining bomber jets with an explosive beam from the mind stone. Falcon was painting and nodded his thanks in mid air before pointing at the settling avalanche.

“There was a convoy of civilians and SHEILD Personal,……. Not sure who made it!” He gasped before turning and flying toward the cavern, Vision right at his side. They didn’t land but simply counted the 12 of 19 trucks and HUM-V’s that had made it into the dusty tunnel before heading out to what had been the road and was now a white canvas of icy snow.

Together the two Avengers got to work as SHEILD Operatives used their own plasma cannons from deep within the snow, some of the trucks buried almost twenty feet. Vision phased into the snow and blasted his way back carrying multiple injured civilians and Agents out of their would be graves, handing them off to Sam and the other unharmed Agents who had set up a make shift triage in their cavern. They worked at a relentless pace as from deep in the snow they could hear the cries for help. After nearly an hour of continuous rescues they had all 382 civilians and 64 SHIELD agents accounted for within the relative safety of the cramped cavern. There were numerous injuries from those that had been caught in the avalanche, many in critical condition. Of all the people rescued there were 17 fatalities, 5 of them were children.

Vision placed a hand on Falcon’s shoulder as he looked on at a grieving mother clutching her dead child in her arms, a SHEILD Nurse at her side with a stoic expression

“Come Sam, there are still others in need of our help,….. And for one, I fear we may be too late.” His voice was calm but held a note of contemplative sorrow. Sam turned to him with a numb resilience as he nodded and they again took to the air headed for the coordinates that their teammates had been investigating. Vision arrived first, able to travel at a speed unknown to even Tony. The Android landed amongst the ruble as he scanned the smoking ruins, his eyes catching on the drying smears of blood. He sighed with a hushed breath, knowing already what they would find upon exploring the lower levels. He focused his gemstone and moved the chunks of rock and burning wreckage aside to clear a path . A moment later Sam arrived gasping, face frozen from the speed of racing through the Icey wind.

“Where….” Sam sputtered out of breath.

“In the lower levels of this treacherous fortress.” Vision explained as he glided down with Sam running to keep up with him.

“Hostiles?” Falcon asked as he loaded his gun while jogging and climbing through the lower levels of the base. The moment the words left his mouth they heard the nearby echo of repeated gun shots.

“Yes but he is being subdued by Hawkeye this very moment through both he and the Black Widow are injured.” Vision stated as he raced around the corner then stopped in his tacks and threw his hand up to stop Sam.

“What??” Falcon asked but was answered instantly as Vision used the mind stone to disarm an explosive that would have been detonated if either had stepped even one foot forward. With urgency The Android then blew open the door and entered the room with Sam on his heels. There was only a second of hesitation as they saw Clint, bleeding and shackled, using the cuffs to finish strangling a loan Hydra agent. The archer had the man’s arm pinned with one leg and as he finished cutting off his would be executioner’s airway, the man’s gun fell from his limp grasp. Clint released him with a grunt then slumped over Natasha who was laying unconscious and face down on the floor.

“CLINT! NATASHA!” Sam exclaimed as he ran toward them with Vision who was already destroying the restraints on Hawkeye as Sam carefully turned Natasha over in his arms, cursing under his breath as he checked her weak pulse then her dilated eyes before pressing a hand to her bleeding head wound.

“Clint,…… Where,…..where’s Barnes?....... Where is Bucky?” Sam asked with a hollow tone as he scooped Natasha into his arms and Vision helped the Archer stand, supporting the majority of his weight, a bullet hole in Clint’s left thigh.

“They took him,…… They……they strapped him into that fucking chair and……and then put him back on ice,….. he’s gone!.......He’s gone!” Clint’s voice was rough and strained with grief, raw emotion and pain from his own battered body. Vision pointed at the wooden chair surrounded by old technology and metal restraints still vibrating in the corner, the machine not even turned off completely. Sam felt his heart stop as all at once his senses honed in and the numbness was replaced by brutal shock. He could smell the foul stench of electrified human tissue and taste the stagnate air filled with coppery blood, smoke, sweat and pain.

“Oh man,……Oh God!” Sam felt his adrenalin rush and he gasped a breath, fighting the urge to gag on the taste of it as he held Natasha’s limp body tighter in his shaking arms.

“Where were you!...... Where the fuck were you!” Clint’s voice broke as he fell limp against Vision, loss of blood finally pulling him under. Vision lifted the Archer fully into his arms and walked up next to Sam who was still staring at the chair that glowed with residue of electric current.

“This was not your doing Samuel,…… This was Hydra. We will find and retrieve Sargent Barnes, but first we must get our Friends to safety. They are both in need of medical attention. It serves no purpose to remain here lost in regret.” Vision spoke with gentle compassion but insistence and Sam simply nodded mutely and followed his lead as they left the monstrosity behind them.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It was almost 9 hours later when the jet carrying Ironman, Thor, Captain America and Scarlet Witch landed in the hanger of the Avenger’s tower. The landing ramp ushered in an exhausted and on edge team of Avengers who had managed to prevent most of the Hydra forces from securing Vibranium. It had been resized later that one secret squad had managed to smuggle out approximately 62 lbs of the precious metal by disguising themselves as villagers fleeing once the landmines had been neutralized. The King of Wakanda promised to follow his internal leads to apprehend the agents, aware that some had actually been part of his trusted royal guard. It was becoming a common occurrence that countries were discovering Hydra had infiltrated their government at the highest ranks. The Captain had explained why they needed to return to New York immediately and apologized for not remaining in Wakanda after the village and mining camp had been liberated.

Steve was the first one off the plane and he raced through the threshold of the tower limping on a leg with a still healing fracture, heading straight for the med lab where Jarvis had informed the arriving team they would find the rest of their allies. As The Captain exploded into the lab he was breathing hard, eyes scanning the room as he discarded his shield haphazardly.

“Steve, Your leg?” Bruce asked with concern from where he stood by Natasha who was looking sore but conscious, stitches in her head and bruising on the left side of her face, arms and likely torso that was covered by bandages beneath her sports bra.

“Status Report!” Steve demanded as he took a few more pained steps forward and looked from Bruce and Natasha over toward the other medical bed where Hawkeye was hunched over, covered in bandages, a hand on his neck and Sam’s hand on his shoulder. Vision stood nearby, looking on at Steve with compassion.

“Cap,…..take a breath,……let the Doc take a look at your….” Sam was cut off as he took a few steps toward Steve and The Captain interrupted him with a shake of his head, voice even but underlined with dread, eyes intense.

“No,…… what happened?....... Where is Sargent Barnes?” Steve was trying his best to keep his composure even as he scanned the room and the dishearten look of his friends. He felt his chest tighten and he took in a shaky breath.

“Steve,……. Just sit down a moment.” Sam tried again but was answered once more by an adamant shake of the Captains head as he tightened his fists and looked at each person for answers. Bruce looked away, rubbing his eyes as Natasha fixed him with a tearful frown and sigh before lowering her face, the most visibly upset he had seen her since she thought Fury was dead. Steve felt a tremor rake through his body as he turned back toward Sam, Clint and Vision just as the other Avengers made it inside of the tensely quiet medical room, all becoming aware of what was sure to be a devastating revelation. Sam looked at Steve with calm, compassionate eyes while Clint just shook his head, still rubbing his swollen neck and Vision watched with a forlorn expression.

“Where is Bucky!?” Steve demanded again, growling between clenched teeth. The threating tone brought a new wave of concern and Thor stepped closer to Steve as Ironman stepped away. Scarlet Witch made her way slowly toward Vision with questioning eyes that glowed red as the Android willingly allowed her to learn what he knew. She let out a gasp, covering her mouth as she turned looking at Steve with trepidation. The Captain looked at Wanda with a fretful glare, as if trying to decipher what she had just learned and what his fellow teammates didn’t want to tell him. He took another step toward Sam, his body now tense and ridged, eyes pleading with his friend who carefully rest a hand on the Captain’s shoulder.

“It was a trap Steve,…….Hydra lured us there with that energy surge,…… Then used the lives of the civilians’ and SHIELD Agents to keep me scrambling while they took out Hawkeye and Black Widow.” Sam began to explain as Steve blinked rapidly and looked over to Natasha and then Clint with desperate confusion and urgency. The Archer met his questioning eyes with a heavy sigh as he took over the explanation.

“The surge came from an underground bunker, it was rigged with explosives below us and then……….Hydra dropped bombs from above….. Nat was knocked out, I was banged up bad. We were separated from the Sargent……. Hydra grabbed us,……. Team of Russians…… lead by Rumlow.” Clint spat with anger as he looked up at Steve with exhaustion and despair, his voice strained in his swollen throat that had been damaged from the shock baton. The Captain made a sharp snort, noise flaring and eyes wide as he stood tensely straight but shook in silent rage. “They took us captive,.. then called out to Barnes,….. threatening to take us out if he didn’t come forward.” Clint let out a long miserable sigh as he shook his head, looking away from Steve’s desperate expression as the Captain took a few steps toward the Archer, Falcon still hovering near him and Thor ready to interfere if needed.

“Bucky was injured too, deep cut in his side and head wound but he still managed to take out a handful before they used this,…… this fucking magnet to trap his arm,….. pin him to the ground…… He fought back but………” Clint shook his head again and swallowed back his choked emotions as he could not escape the echoed cries of Bucky’s screams in his head.

“What…….What did….?” Steve shuddered, his voice hollow and face frozen in shocked grief, blinking as he tried to focus his racing mind. Clint looked at Steve and let out a breath, eyes communicating his regret and guilt at not being able to protect their fellow teammate from the one thing that terrified him most of all, losing himself again to Hydra.

“They had a God Damn Chair,…….an outdated, piece-ah- shit, soviet tech chair from 50 years ago!” Hawkeye gritted as he recalled the horrific smell of burning flesh and hair as sparks flew from the rusted metal helmet frying Bucky’s brain. “The Technician or whatever was trying to figure out how to calibrate it, but Barnes threw a knife in his throat then caught a beating from the Russians.” Clint looked back up at Steve and instantly regretted including the detail about Bucky getting beaten. He could see how the knowledge of his friend’s suffering was tearing The Captain apart. Barton swallowed and looked back down.

“They shot him with tranquilizers and he was out,…… completely unconscious when they,…….. when he went into the chair.” Hawkeye schooled his features and looked back up at Steve. “It was quick,……Just a few moments and it was over……. Then they put him on ice and moved out………I’m sorry Cap.” He sighed as he held the Captain’s devastated gaze, willing himself not to falter or show any sign that he was lying, that the truth of Bucky’s ordeal in the chair was so much worse. 

Steve took a step back, then another, shaking his head as his face contorted, opening his mouth then shutting it again. He was overcome with the realization that Bucky was gone, taken by their enemy once more. The shock was like a bullet, sharp and stunning, and now the pain was spreading through his whole body, intense and debilitating. He took in a raspy shallow breath as he covered his mouth with his hand and his shoulders shuddered. He swayed on his feet and as the pain set in suddenly his leg was throbbing and his chest was on fire. He felt Sam guide him toward a chair where he collapsed with a guttural cry of rage and despair, bent over with both hands gripping his hair. In that moment he looked like Bucky when he was lost in a nightmare and the resemblance was heart breaking as the Avengers looked on at their Captain in sorrow.

Sam stood next to Steve with a hand on his shoulder and Bruce knelt down next to him with a scanner, examining the fractured bone in his upper thigh. After a moment of tense silence with only Steve’s wet raspy breaths shuddering through a clenched jaw, The Captain let out a deep sigh and sat up straight, eyes wet and red as he looked at the others with a desperate strength that he did not feel.

“We need to find him!” His tone was authoritative even as his voice shook. He looked down at Bruce with a steading breath. “It will heal.” He stated as a matter of fact then looked back up at his team mates. He tried to stand but Sam and Bruce both pushed him back into the chair and he looked at them with resentment but said nothing, struggling to keep his composure. Steve swallowed as he blinked back his threat of tears, fighting against the swell of emotion that was making it hard to breath.

“We know Cap,…. And we will…….We need a plan first, and we need you healed up all the way or you will be no good to us or to Bucky.” Sam reasoned patiently but Steve shook his head and spoke through gritted teeth, eyes fierce with anger and desperation.

“No,…. We need to act now!...... We need to get him back before,…….” Steve’s voice caught and he swallowed looking away and squeezing his eyes shut with a shake of his head, shoulder’s trembling, and fists clenched in his lap.

“He has a tracking device in his arm.” Ironman spoke for the first time since entering the lab. His suite was off and he was already hovering over one of his many computers, using his hands to activate a series of codes.

“They found it,….. took it out.” Hawkeye sighed as he avoided Steve’s panicked expression. He gritted his teeth as he thought about the smug look on Rumlow’s disfigured face as he held the tracker in his hand after he used pliers to remove it from Bucky’s arm, the Sargent laying completely limp, eyes vacant in the smoldering chair as blisters formed on his forehead and temples from the electrical burns.

‘No,….. What they found was the decoy tracker,….. the one I placed in his forearm in the same spot Hydra had their own piece of shit tech…….. The real tracker,….. the one that is cloaked to all scanners that do not have the security matrix to pick up it’s frequency, is located in the seem of his left shoulder just under the flesh,….. so even if they remove the arm,…… we can find him.” Tony smirked at his own genius as he entered a finally key stroke. “That one became activated the moment the decoy was removed…… Jarvis is running the matrix through the Stark satellites now,…..it shouldn’t take long.” Tony tried a half comforting smile as Steve looked at him with wide eyes, face so open and honest that Stark had to look away as he swallowed back the fear of what would happen if they found Bucky dead.

“Did Barnes know about the tracker?” Natasha asked as she winced and laid back, pain and exhaustion obvious on her face.

“It was his idea actually,…… he wanted it implanted into his body in case of,….. well,….. I guess in case this happened.” Stark shrugged.

“He never felt safe,…..always knew they would come for him.” Steve spoke with a sad tone, shoulders slumped looking defeated. “Guess I was an idoit for thinking I could protect him,…….Never could before.” The Captain grimaced with another heartbroken breath, closing his eyes.

“This is not your fault Captain,…..The heinous deceit and trickery of Hydra could not have been foreseen.” Thor offered as he too sat down heavily in a chair, gripping Mjölnir as he clenched his jaw with a sullen shake of his head.

“Barnes knew you tried to protect him Steve,…. He even fought you about it right before the mission…..And beating yourself up about it won’t do a damn thing to help him now!” Black Widow spoke with her eyes closed, a grimace of pain on her face as Bruce stood up and adjusted the painkiller in her IV.

“How long will it take to track him down Tony?” Steve asked as he swallowed thickly, still looking down at his hands in his lap.

“A few hours maybe,…… there might be some interference from the Cryotank but,…… it won’t take long Cap.” Tony offered in a gentle tone with a heavy sigh, sounding exhausted himself. Both teams had been awake for over twenty-four hours and they were running on empty.

“I think it may be advisable to take rest so that our team will be at their most effective when the location of Sargent Barnes has been determined.” Vision stepped into the middle and met the Captain’s clouded gaze, well aware of the fatigue and emotional heartache that while shared by his human teammates, weighed heaviest on Steve. Even the mighty Thor looked tired around his eyes. “As I do not require sleep, I will stay here and monitor the progress made by the satellites to track Sargent Barnes.” Vision extended a hand toward Steve who sighed and excepted it standing up with a slight wince as he put pressure on his leg. “I shall inform you the moment our friend has been located Captain…. We will bring him home.” Vision nodded and Steve tried to offer a smile back but it looked pained and he lowered his wet eyes as he nodded warily before limping out of the room with Sam walking at his side, hand on his upper back.

Once they were gone and out of ear shot Vision turned toward Hawkeye and spoke with consideration.

“You did not tell the truth earlier, when you were speaking about Sargent Barnes,….How he went into the Maintenance Chair.” His voice held a questioning tone and all eyes went toward Clint. The Archer huffed a bitter bark of a laugh and shook his head before leaning back on his medical bed and wincing from the effort,

“Yea well,….. What was I supposed to say huh?.... Tell Cap the truth,…..Tell him how Bucky went white as a ghost and shaking while Rumlow whispered something I couldn’t hear,……. And then he threw a knife at the Tech and Rumlow decided in his great wisdom that he was just gonna improvise and fry the Sargent anyway,….. use that antique rusted electric chair to turn his brain to mush!” Clint was snarling as he covered his face with his hand, rubbing at his eyes as the others listened in silence. He sighed and moved his hand away and then looked at Bruce with a bitter grimace. “Rumlow was joking about how he was going against protocol,….. Barnes had a concussion,.. and they didn’t inject him with whatever drugs they used before sticking him in the tank to keep him from getting Hypothermia.” Barton shook his head then looked at Natasha as she spoke, eyes keenly trained on her friend’s face.

“There is something else through,… What is it Clint.” She asked, knowing he was still keeping something even worse back. He sighed and his eyes blinked before glossing over wet and he looked up at the celling, the others watching him, dreading the rest of his confession and what it would reveal about how Bucky had suffered.

“They did use tranquilizers but,…… he wasn’t sedated just paralyzed.….. He was awake,…. fully conscious and terrified. He couldn’t move,…..couldn’t fight back….. and when they bolted him into the chair, he looked at me with those eyes,….. Christ, he was begging me to help him,…. And I couldn’t,…… He came to save our lives and then he was trapped,….. back in that fucking chair and I know what he wanted,….. he wanted me to kill him,….. I knew he’d rather die than loose himself again,…… then be owned by Hydra again.” Clint sucked in a breath, hands in his hair as he gritted his teeth.

“And when they turned it on,…… His screams,….. the smell of burning flesh,……. I couldn’t watch,…I….God I was actually praying that he would die,…..that his heart would just explode and the screaming would stop.” Clint let out another wet, shuddered sigh then turned and looked at the silent, grief stricken expressions of his team mates. 

“Is that what I should have told Steve?.....Huh?.....Will that truth set him free!?” His voice broke and he shook his head as an angry cry ripped from his mouth through gritted teeth and closed eyes. Natasha climbed off of her bed and stumbled toward her best friend then curled up next to him on the bed whispering reassurances that it wasn’t his fault either. The others sat in stoic silence for a moment longer before Tony sighed and walked toward the door.

“We’ll get him back,….. And he’ll recover….. We’ve done it before.” Stark spoke with a determined tone that held it’s own emotional heaviness before he excited, the others soon to follow.


	4. Lost and Found

Ch 4.

He was in a long dark hall way, the musty odor of mildew mixed with a static smell of ozone, as if the very air he breathed was electrified. The Captain felt a panic sharp and piercing as the blackness was suddenly illuminated by a blue surge of light from the end of the dark hall. A crackling buzz was background to a howling cry of agony, ripped from a voice he knew better than his own. The light was coming from a room down at the end of the long dark corridor and yet the screaming was all around him, echoing off the walls as Steve ran forward toward the flickering light. The Captain was running but in slow motion, as if he was frozen in time and he wasn’t getting any closer. The desperate cries became pleas for help. Bucky was sobbing and yelling his name, calling out to Steve with the most pitiful whimpers and cries between sharp screams of utter torture. 

Then it was just his name, over and over again. STEVE, STEVE, STEVE,….

“Steve!...... Common Man!...... Wake up!” Sam jumped back after splashing a cup of cold water on Steve’s unconscious form that had been gripped in a nightmare. Sam stood several feet back out of arm’s reach having learned early on just like the others that hovering over any of them while waking from a nightmare was likely to end with bruises and blood if not broken bones. Steve and Bucky were not the only one’s at the tower who had frequent nightmares, but they did most often come up swinging.

Steve sat bolt upright gasping in his bed looking around him in panic.

“Bucky!...... Where?” Steve jumped up and headed for the door that lead to his best Friend’s room in their shared sweet.

“Steve,….. He’s not…..” Sam’s words stifled with a sad sigh as the Captain threw open Bucky’s door and turned the light on, freezing as he glared at the neatly made bed. Steve’s shoulders shook as he took in a gasped breath and rubbed his face before turning to look at Sam, overwhelmed as the shock and fatigue that had clouded his thoughts and numbed him was replaced by the gut wrenching reality.

“Oh God,….. Sam,….. Oh God,…… They have him,….. They have Bucky!” Steve’s voice shook and he let out a choked sob, the tears that he had fought back finally flowing freely as he staggered back and sat heavily on his friend’s bed, hands over his face. Sam was at his side instantly, an arm around his shoulder, his presence calm and reassuring.

“I know Steve,…… I know,…… but listen,…… breath,……. You got to calm down ok?..... He needs you,….. We need you to lead this mission.” Sam spoke with an even and steady voice, knowing that Steve would react immediately to his words. Steve’s breath caught and he sat up right, wet eyes blinking as he looked at Sam, alert and desperate.

“We found his location?” Steve asked with a sharp exhale and Sam nodded, aware that Steve would likely go running out the door in his sweats if Sam didn’t calm him down first. Steve was usually the most level headed out of the Avenger’s even more so then Natasha at times. But when it came to Bucky, he was barley able to keep his emotions from completely clouding his judgment and he needed Sam or Natasha to help keep him in check.

“Where is he?,….. We gotta go!” Steve was up and headed for his room as Sam followed him. He was relieved that at least Steve was going into his own room to get his uniform on and not just running franticly toward the hanger. Sam stood just outside the door way as he spoke with deliberate calmness, attempting to help Steve regulate himself and get back into the mind set of Captain.

“They are on a boat,…. Or a submarine actually, it is completely cloaked to sonar and just off the coast of Shri Lanka.” Sam explained. “Stark said he won’t know until we are nearby how many operatives will be aboard. We also aren’t sure where they’re headed.” Steve emerged with dry red eyes and a lethal glint in his eyes as he nodded at Sam and grabbed his shield heading for the door. Sam followed in step and chose to be silent as they headed at an urgent pace toward the hanger, aware that Steve still needed a moment to regain his composure and get into his role as Captain. Steve was good at shaking things off and acting quickly but he rarely gave himself time to feel and experience the reality around him. It was a survival skill of course and most soldiers Sam knew had adapted the ability to focus and get the job done during even the most emotionally devastating times but the after effects of such dissociation were not easily soothed away.

As they approached the hanger they saw Thor standing at the entrance with a reassuring nod. Steve saluted him and boarded, finding Vision and Scarlet Witch ready for takeoff with Ironman at the helm.

“Captain,….. hope you got some beauty sleep in…. Unfortunately however, I think this mission is gonna take a lot more then you batting those baby blues and Goldie locks here playing whack a mole” Stark gestured to the Thunder God and Thor looked puzzled while Sam huffed a laugh and took a seat. “So….We have about 11 hours.” The plane took off with Jarvis on Auto piolet as Stark stood up and walked toward the Assembled team. “We need a plan!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The plan as it turned out was not their most well thought out but time was of the essence and there were too many unpredictable variables. Stark used his Ironman suite to go under water and attach inscriptive spy ware that could be wirelessly hi-jacked. They managed to direct the submarine to a near by island that was small and desolate. The Avengers waited on shore as the Submarine was forced to rise and then slam it’s self into the shallow waters effectively trapping in on land. Vision worked to force the hatch open and Ironman was able to identify from outside the metal vessel where the Cryo-tank was located based on the tracker. While Thor, Falcon and Vision focused on the agents pouring out through the top hatch that were the first line of defense, The Captain, Ironman and Scarlet Witch went in through a hole blasted by Starks repulsers.

As they made their way through the inner levels of the submarine Wanda captured the minds of the Hydra agents turning them against one another while Tony and Steve strong armed their way through the Hydra drones that screamed hail Hydra in whatever native tongue they came from. Stark blew open the door that lead to the room containing the Cryo-tank with Steve right behind him, Shield raised. As the smoke cleared, there sat Rumlow, grinning smugly with a lit cigarette in his mouth. He was sitting on top of the horizontal Cryo-tank, one hand held a live grenade, the other a gun resting on his leg pointing toward them.

The three Avengers froze as they watched the Hydra agent with cautious anxiety, aware that with one pull he could blow them all sky high and likely damage the Cyro-tank. They knew that it was likely that each could survive using their powers and wits but Bucky was vulnerable and trapped in his ice coffin, unable to defend himself and if the tank was compromised none of them knew how that might affect his recovery.

“Hey,…. It’s the Avengers!...... Here to save the fucking day!” Rumlow snickered as he took a drag using the hand that was holding the live grenade.

“Rumlow,……It’s over,… there is no situation in which Hydra will win this,…. But it doesn’t mean we can’t all walk out of here alive.” Steve spoke with calm authority even as his eyes darted down toward the Cryo Tank.

Rumlow barked a laugh as he looked down at the window that showed the pale blue face of the Winter Soldier. He took a drag and clucked his tongue then looked straight at Stark.

“There must have been a second Tracker right?” Rumlow smirked and nodded as he gestured at Stark with the gun. “Nobody ever said you were a dummy pal!..... Guess that makes me the idiot for underestimating you hotshots!” Rumlow sighed as he took another long pull then slid off the tank onto his feet with a bright grin on his marred features.

“Bet you recognize this little beauty too huh?..... Ain’t no grenade like a Stark industries baby bomb,….. packs a good punch for the size!” Rumlow held the grenade in his hand causally as if it was not an incredibly destructive weapon that could reduce them all to genetic mush.

“I told the big chiefs that going after the Asset was a bad move,…. Knew Rogers would corral the rest of you heroes into coming for him…… But I guess that’s why there is always a backup plan with Hydra right?” Rumlow chuckled and without a seconds warning he threw the live grenade directly at the three Avenger’s who reacted fast. Steve was blow back but his Shield took the brunt, just like Tony’s suite. Wanda had managed to cover herself in a protective force field but the explosion left them all reeling.

Steve felt his still healing fracture shift into a full break as his leg was struck hard against a steel rale that snapped in half as he was sent flying. When he landed he let out a coughing gasp, ears ringing and debris clouding his stinging vision. Despite the pain and disorientation, Steve was back up on his feet and hobbling over the ruined remains of the submarine floor bed. Water was coming in from everywhere and he looked around franticly, still disoriented from the exposition. He felt stabbing panic as he used his strained muscles to move aside pieces of the ship and wreckage, desperate to find the cryo-tank.

“Cap…… over here!” Steve jerked his head to the right as he saw Tony in his damaged suite, struggling to lift a large slab that was being hammered by flooding water. Wanda was next to him looking worse for ware as she threw her hands up to help Ironman lift the metal against the increasing water pressure. Steve threw himself over the jagged sharp metal and broken debris, his leg screaming with every move as he took in a deep breath then dove down into the water.

His eyes stung with the oil coated water but he could still see the Cryo tank only 6 feet down and trapped under more wreckage. He could see the crake in the glass window that showed Bucky’s prone, frozen face. The polluted salt water was beginning to seep through the cracked glass and Steve tried his best to keep a level head as his heart hammered and he fought against his sheer panic. With a quick glance he looked around and assessed the situation, noticing immediately what was holding the Cryo Tank down and how he could wrench it free. The Captain acted without hesitation, using the debris to pry the Tank free. He grunted and grimaced under water, air bubbles bursting as he used all of his strength to pry the tank loose. He wanted to grab Bucky out of the flooding coffin but knew that it was the only thing keeping him alive.

With reluctance he swam up to the ever decreasing surface, gasping as his head breach the top. The water was rising so quickly that both Scarlet Witch and a definitely short circuiting Ironman had water up to their chest. Steve took in a lung full of air and just before he disappeared again below the surface he was relieved to see Thor appear next to Stark to help hold up the metal as Vision appeared above them focusing his mind stone to lift the sub out of the water. Steve swam back down and wrapped his arms around the tank, struggling to pull it to the water’s surface.

With a grateful heave, Steve could feel the rapidly filling ice coffin lifted away from him and into the air. He gasped again as he felt Thor grab his arm and pull him up. The Captain coughed out the oily salt water, leaning on the Asgardian who had one arm on Steve and the other around Wanda who looked like she might pass out. Steve held on to Thor who flew them straight up and out of their watery grave. Steve looked over at Vision who was flying with the water filled metal tank, levitating it next to him as Stark struggle to use his short circuiting repulsers to fly next to him. They made it onto land where Sam was keeping the Hydra agents from getting close to their plane. Steve limped as fast as he could toward the water logged Cryo-tank as Stark landed next to it and used his suite to hack into it’s auto lock. Vision caught Wanda as she collapsed against him, handed over from Thor who rose into the air once more to fend off the few remaining Hydra pons as well as a missile attack that had been launched from some nea by Island base, likely the intended destination of the Submarine.

“Tony!” Steve choked out as Stark waved him back, working with speed to unlatch the tank. It opened with a flood of ice and salt water pouring out and Vision used his telepathy to force the water out of the plane and down the exit ramp. Ironman was using his scanner and speaking rapidly with a screen projection of Bruce who was receiving the data and preparing the lab for their arrival. Steve was shaking as he took in Bucky’s completely frozen, and exposed form surrounded by a haze of frost.

“Vision,…… Can you be a dear and wrap things up with Thor out there? We need to move along fairly immediately!” Despite the playful words, Stark’s voice was strained with tension as he didn’t even bother getting out of his broken suite, eyes jumping back and forth between screens as he worked with quick movements to stick wireless electronic monitors all over the steadily defrosting man laying lifeless before him.

“Go,…. We will shall put to rest who is a faster traveler and meet you back in New York!” Vision lay Wanda in a chair and fastened her seat belt then rest a hand on Steve’s shoulder with a nod of reassurance before exciting. Steve felt his broken leg give out as he collapsed into a chair, eyes locked on Bucky as the plane took to the air, all other distractions background to the silent and deathly still body of the man he would give his last breath to,….if only he could.


	5. Frozen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall, If you like the story please review. So far I have only gotten two,….. one was very kind and excited….. The other……… I was so perturbed by that I wrote a letter of rebuttal that I will post now. If you would like to skip me being longwinded and sassy, Fair! Hope You enjoy the story!
> 
> First of all let me just say that I find your comment a fairly aggressive and bitchy way to state that you disagree with my opinion. In terms of understanding this character Bucky Barnes a.k.a. the Winter Soldier there is the movie version as well as the comic book version and both of those versions have had multiple different writers and people putting their own input into it as well as the actor putting his thoughts into the character. As a fan fiction writer I am taking the liberty of expressing my story ideas about a character I enjoy and attempting to portray what I imagine his thought process, motivations, personality and actions might be in a setting that I am depicting. As I'm sure you're aware there are many many many stories on this as well as other websites about the Winter Soldier and his recovery. There are a variety of different ways authors choose to wright Bucky as to his level of Trauma and the way he relates to Steve as well as the other characters and his affiliation with Hydra. In the movie Bucky has volunteered to go back into cryo- because he thinks that he is a danger to others and he wants them to figure out how to help get the programming and conditioning out of his head before he becomes a threat once again. My personal opinion regarding cryo- freeze is that the process would likely be painful and harsh on his body. Missing out on years of his life in suspended animation would have him trapped in a world of unconscious thought or no thought at all. Bucky has had so much of his life stolen from him for so many years and so many memories of not being in control of himself that I would think he would be desperate to live again and experience the New World. Also I believe the only way to help him recover from the trauma and overcome the triggers is through extensive counseling that involves him being awake and conscious. Furthermore you are entitled to your opinion and thoughts about this character as is anyone who decides to write about him or portray him in film or comics. But I find your accusation that I do not know this character as being unnecessarily snide and pretentious.   
> Basically my point is there is no wrong or right way to depict a fictional character that you are taking expressive freedom to portray as your imagination sees fit. If you don't like the way I write Bucky then don't read my stories. If you don't agree with my thoughts behind why he wouldn't want to go back into cryo then by all means you can express that to me and we can have a lively discussion. But to state that I don't know his character at all is just rude and condescending. This is fanfiction on comics and movies all of which are make-believe and part of the imagination so please don't shit on my creative expression and I won't do the same to you. Have a lovely day.

CH 5

The jet had barley come to a complete stop, exit ramp already lowered as Stark ran with a hover table caring the resealed but deactivated Cryo-tank toward the med lab. The Scarlet Witch had regained consciousness during the anxious plane ride back to New York and was following behind Stark, using her powers to monitor Bucky’s consciousness that was still frozen and dormant. The Captain was hobbling on his broken leg, one arm wrapped over Falcon’s shoulders, using his friend as a crutch. They were greeted by Pepper who after racing along with Tony for a moment turned toward the Captain with a reassuring nod and look of deliberate calm.

“Bruce has the lab set up with Dr. Chow on teleconference now. We have some of the world’s best Neurological specialists enroot with their own medical staff and Dr. Banner has Tony’s Doctors here now.” Pepper’s tone was professional as always but held a breathless urgency as she walked along with Steve and Sam, sharing a concerned glance with Falcon as she watched Steve wince with every step, his eyes focused ahead on Tony and Wanda pushing the Cryotank down the hall toward Dr. Banner.

Steve nodded that he had heard her but felt numb and in shock. As they entered the lab Natasha and Clint were there sitting out of the way in their own bandages and lounge cloths on one of the med beds. They both looked toward Sam as he guided a distracted Steve onto the bed next to them, trying to get him to stay put. Pepper was consulting with a nurse, one of a dozen medical staff Bruce had summoned from Stark’s local charity hospitals for War Vets. Pepper pointed at Steve and the Nurse nodded and grabbed a female doctor who headed for the Captain ready to set his leg.

“I’m fine,…… Bucky needs…” Steve’s choked voice was interrupted by the Doctor as she injected a syringe into the meat of his broken thigh bone through a tear in his uniform.

“There is an entire medical team prepared to revive your friend Captain, I am here to make sure your injuries and the other’s are taken care of.” The Doctor held a strength and conviction in her proper English accent and for a moment Steve blinked and looked down at the Brunette expecting to see Peggy. She met his confused and shocked blue eyes with compassionate patience, before standing up and removing his helmet to asses if his dilated gaze was the result of a concussion. 

Steve let his eyes drift back toward the frenzy of men and women in hospital scrubs who were following the fast paced orders shouted at them by Stark and Banner. They had the Tank open and were placing electrodes on Bucky’s frozen body and injecting needles and tubes into his chest cavity to help drain the fluid that had frozen in around and his lungs. With a three count Tony nodded at Bruce and they pushed a button that activated a machine with a crane like arm that held the frozen man suspended in several bands of sterile latex above a tank of water. Bruce had a face mask connected to Bucky that was ready to pump oxygen into his frozen air way the moment the tissue was thawed. 

Slowly Bucky was submerged into the cold water. Once covered completely in the clear glass tank, another button was pushed and the temperature of the tub began the slow process of warming, increasing his core temperature gradually as Stark and Dr. Banner stood near by with the other medical staff monitoring the various machines that where evaluating the progress. 

The room became quiet with a tense calm, murmured whispers, beeping machines and the hum of medical equipment the only sounds. Steve watched through a dazed fog of painkiller and sedative, hardly aware of his own medical treatment as The Doctor set his bone and began using adamantium scissors to remove his highly reinforced uniform. Sam was talking quietly with Natasha and Clint as the three conversed looking with empathetic concern toward Bucky and then Steve. Wanda was in a bed of her own nearby as another Doctor looked her over and connected her to a monitoring device. The Scarlet Witch had her full attention on the unconscious figure across the room in the tank. She kept her powers directed at him as she searched his brain waves for activity.

Over an hour past before one of the machines began to beep louder. Quickly Bruce stepped over toward the tank and began hitting serval key’s on a nearby monitor. The machine lifted Bucky’s thawing body just above the water and another machine was lowered as with a definitive key stroke a dozen needles connected to IV’s of warm saline plunged into the veins of Bucky’s arms, legs and chest. The sight was instantly disturbing and reminded Steve of the Super Soldier procedure, sending a jolt of relived pain through his body as he let out a desperate shout from across the room.

“STOP!......WHAT ARE YOU….” Steve began to stand but instantly was surrounded by Falcon, Black Widow and Hawkeye who blocked his path and pressed him back into the bed.

“Easy Cap,….. their helping him!” Sam attempted to reassure but Steve kept his panicked eyes on Bucky as he was re-lowered into the warming tank of water that was thawing his frozen flesh as the warm saline coursed through his crystalized veins. Steve was shaking as he looked away and then up toward Sam with a swallow and a false strength.

“He’s not gonna die Sam………. He’s stronger then they know……… He’s gonna survive this.” Steve spoke with desperate conviction and Sam nodded with a soft smile, aware that Steve was trying to convince himself.

“Stand by people,……His core temp is up to 76 degrees, oxygen on and once he hits 89 we need to get him prepped for immediate Defibrillation!..... Dr. Sanchaze,…. how is the Pleural Effusion?” Dr. Banner asked as he looked over at another screen.

“We’ve drained most of the liquid from his chest cavity but once he is breathing on his own we will need to help him orally remove the remaining build up in his lungs and digestive track.” The Doctor stated and Bruce nodded.

“Okay lets get the heated saline fluids into those chest catheters and a syringe of Bretylium in case he goes into cardiac arrest after defilation.” Bruce spoke with exhaustion as he rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked up and his eyes met Steve’s gaze as the doctor offered a winced smile, comfort but not certainty.

“Okay team we are at 86 degrees……………. We gotta get him dry and on the table…….. Bruce, you have the AED?” Stark spoke with none of the teasing lightness that normally accompanied his rambling speeches, words direct and to the point. Steve and the others watched in anxious silence as Bucky’s lifeless body was lowered onto the rubber padded table and his torso was hastily dried off. Bruce held the shock pads and called out clear and then placed them on their friend’s bare chest.

Steve felt his breath choke and Natasha grabbed his hand squeezing it as they watched Bucky’s body arch from the shock before collapsing without further response.

“Common Buck.” Steve whispered and Sam placed a hand on his shoulder as Bruce tried again shouting, “Clear.”

Bucky’s body arched dramatically and then collapsed back down and the heart monitoring machine began to beat an erratic rhythm.

“Atta Boy!” Clint breathed out with a sigh of relief, wiping his face. Bruce was prepping needles while Stark was talking to Jarvis and the other medical Staff was grabbing blankets with reflective panels and high powered heaters. Bucky remained unconscious with the breathing mask and a haphazard pulse but he was alive. 

It was only a few moments later when his body began convulsing and they rolled him onto his side removing the oxygen mask as he wrenched. Thick blue mucus with small crystals of ice spilled from his pale lips as his eyes rolled back in his head, limps jerking in uncontrolled spasms. The sight was alarming and Steve called out to his friend without thought, wanting to run to his side but held in place by his friends.

“It’s okay Cap,…… he needs to expel the rest of the cryo freeze and it’s better like this then using a stomach pump……. He’s okay.” Bruce tried to reassure from across the room as he supported Bucky’s jerking head as another doctor used vibrating heat pads to rub circles in the sick man’s back and chest. The painful sounding chokes and wrenches slowed and were eventually replaced by full body shaking, as Bucky’s muscles cramped and he shivered uncontrollably, eyes rolling and blinking unable to focus. The chocked gurgling noise became whimpered crys and gasping swallows of air as wild eyes remained unfocused and full of tears.

Steve let out an anguished breath and looked away from his friends torment as Natasha wrapped her arms around him, pressing her head to his.

“He’s alive Steve,….. We got him back,…… he will heal,…. He will be okay.” Natasha promised as they continued to watch the painful process of defrosting.

“Bucky said,……. He said it feel’s like dying……. That his first conscious thoughts after waking,….. were that he was dying…… And then once he could breath, the pain in his muscles, and the throbbing in his head,….. was so intense,…….. that he wasn’t aware of anything else around him.” Steve breathed out a whispered voice full of remorse. “He went to sleep with fire in his head and woke up with ice in his veins.” Steve shuddered as he watched Bruce coax the disoriented man onto his back under the protection of the thermal blankets and heat lamps, Oxygen mask back in place as well as a breathing tube. The Avengers watched in solemn grief as their fallen comrade shivered violently, wrapped in thermal heated blankets, wondering what to expect in the coming days of recovery.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

It was hours later and the lab was dimmed with only a few Doctors and Nurses monitoring their patient. Steve sat next to his best friend watching the gradual rise and fall of his chest. Bucky was roiled onto his side, allowing easy oxygen flow and reduced the fluids from settling in the back of his brain. His torso and chest were cover in electrodes but the chest catheters had been removed. His head had been shaved bald and he had several monitoring devices scanning each area of his brain to determine the extent of the damage.

 

“Is he in pain?” Steve asked quietly as an older doctor approached from the other side of the medical bed, glancing at Steve with a clinical compassion and a long sigh.

“Yes,……He is on Morphine but,……. The healing process can be just as painful as the injury, and takes a hell of a lot longer.” The Specialist sighed as he looked from his chart to Steve’s exhausted expression.

“And when he wakes up?” Steve’s voice was raspy and he felt wary down to his bones, broken leg still throbbing with pain. The Doctor studied him for a moment and then turned back toward his patient, speaking with slow, calm authority.

“In Traumatic Brain Injury, often times there is damage to the Neurons……Those Neurons are what carry out our vital functions,…. How we think cognitively, process and regulate emotions as well as our physical and tactile manipulation. When there is damage to the neurons,…. as is the case with Sargent Barnes,….. we will see a lack of control and understanding of his surroundings, emotional outburst and childlike tantrums as well as a deficit in his motor function, speech and likely language recognition.” The Doctor offered a sympathetic smile as Steve closed his eyes and looked away.

“So basically what your telling me Doc,…. Is that Bucky is going to be in pain, won’t have control over his body and won’t be able to understand what’s happening to him?” Steve swallowed down his grief as he slumped in his chair next to his unconscious best friend who appeared deceivingly peaceful despite the wires and tubes running through his noise and down his throat helping him breath.

“Will,…..”Steve swallowed and leaned over Bucky with an emotional gaze. “Will he recover Dr. Denton?......... Will the Serum heal the damage done?” Steve hated how broken he sounded but was too tired to care as he fought the urge to reach out and caress his friend’s wet cheek where a steady stream of tears covered his pale cheeks from his fluttering eyes. The Doctor considered the question the walked over toward the three dimensional cat scan that displayed the live images of Bucky’s brain.

 

“After trauma, there is potential for purpsialy that stimulates misfiring Neurons that are attempting to reestablish a normal connection and make efforts to rewire some of those severed connections….. As of now we are just concentrating on reducing inflammation to take pressure and pain from the area’s injured. “ He turned toward Steve who still held him with his unanswered question. “In truth, there is much we do not know about the brain, especial a brain that has enhanced genetic potential but has also undergone repetitive trauma and chemical alteration….. There is plascisty however, the ability to recover faculties that have been compromised is definitely possible,….. and with this young man,…. Very likely.” The Doctor considered Steve’s forlorn expression and decided to continue, aware that Captain America was a man who wanted to know as much as possible, gaining insight so that he could feel prepared for what challenges and obstacles lay ahead. He enlarged the brain image and began to explain the basic areas of the brain that were damaged and how the trauma would likely effect the Sargent’s functioning and recovery.

 

“The prefrontal cortex is what directly influences personality. It controls executive function, motivation, emotion and behavior. Brain injuries to the left side of his brain will cause difficulties speaking and understanding language, while injuries to the right effect spatial awareness and judgment.” The doctor gestured with an electronic pen as he pointed out the enflamed and swollen areas of his patient’s brain.

“The Temporal lobe will effect his ability to process and understand language, recognizing faces or objects around him. The Damage may also lead to aggressive, violent behavior that he will have little control over or understanding of. The Pariental Lobe deals with identifying objects, physical sensation, directional understanding and hand eye coordination.” The Doctor stroked his gray goatee and continued.

“The back of the brain, the Cerubellum connects with his vision, coordination, motor skills and the Brian stem controls basic primary functions like breathing, swallowing, blood pressure, essentially the natural automatic responses that keep him alive. The damage in that region will cause vertigo and imbalance to his equal Librium.” The doctor looked over at Steve with a thoughtful, assessing look before continuing on.

 

“There has been some minimal damage to the Occipital Lobe, which handles his visual capabilities. He may experience difficulty reading and unfocused vision, as well as Hallucinations,…. But again that area has been less damaged and will be healing at an accelerated rate like the rest of his brain matter we hypothesis.” The doctor set down his chart and walked over toward Steve, resting a hand on the slumped man’s shoulder. Steve looked up at the doctor with a heartbroken expression, squeezing his hands in his lap.

 

“I have been reviewing the medical documentation specifically related to the ECT chair used by Hydra. Their machine became refined and more exact over the years, only targeting certain areas of the brain and leaving others so that their Asset would be fully functional in the field. However the earlier maintenance chairs tended to be more blunt and according to the notes of past Hydra Technicians and Dr. Ardmin Zola, there were several occasions when the damage done by the ECT process left the Solider unable to perform efficiently for several days.” The Doctor studied the grimace on The Captain’s face and offered a contemplative look. “ As unpleasant as this information may be Captain Roger’s it does offer a glimmer of hope.” Steve glared up at the Doctor as if challenging him to explain. “His brain has been through this before,….. many, many times. Perhaps none of those times were as severe as this one, and with less complications,.. but still,….. based on the prior knowledge provided to us by his former captors,……. We have reason to believe that in time,….. he will heal and become fully functional once more.” The Doctor nodded as he studied his patient with clinical observation then patted Steve on his back. “He will have round the clock medical care and assessment Captain,…… Your friend is remarkably resilient, a fact you are well aware of….. We just have to be patient.”

Steve sighed and offered a weak smile as he looked over at Bucky’s unconscious form, trying to swallow down the guilt that gnawed at him night and day.


	6. Breaking Threw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some videos on Youtube that influenced the way I wrote this story.
> 
> The Road to Recovery Following Brain Injury: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pCiWDKA93s
> 
> Brain injury recovery video  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob-AguFXff0
> 
>  
> 
> Understanding Traumatic Brain Injury
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wl4-nNOGJ0
> 
> Here is what I found online as a break down of Systems of Brain Damage:
> 
> Cognitive symptoms of brain damage include:  
> • Difficulty processing information  
> • Difficulty in expressing thoughts  
> • Difficulty understanding others  
> • Shortened attention span  
> • Inability to understand abstract concepts  
> • Impaired decision-making ability  
> • Memory loss
> 
> Perceptual symptoms of brain damage include:  
> • Change in vision, hearing, or sense of touch  
> • Spatial disorientation  
> • Inability to sense time  
> • Disorders of smell and taste  
> • Balance issues  
> • Heightened sensitivity to pain
> 
> Physical symptoms of brain damage include:  
> • Persistent headaches  
> • Extreme mental fatigue  
> • Extreme physical fatigue  
> • Paralysis  
> • Tremors  
> • Seizures  
> • Sensitivity to light  
> • Sleep disorders  
> • Slurred speech  
> • Loss of consciousness
> 
> Behavioral/emotional symptoms of brain damage include:  
> • Irritability and impatience  
> • Reduced tolerance for stress  
> • Sluggishness  
> • Flattened or heightened emotions or reactions  
> • Denial of disability  
> • Increased aggressiveness

Ch. 6

The first week was difficult at best. When Bruce and the other Doctors reduced the sedative and allowed their patient to break free from the medically induced coma, his return to the land of the living was full of fear, pain and confusion. At first his gaze was shaken and dilated, unable to remain focused and drifting shut when the stimulation became overwhelming or rolling when the pain flared up sharply, leaving him arched and gasping. He did not recognize anyone around him and he trembled, making choked whimpers whenever anyone touched him. He had limited motor control, and his limbs were stiff and contorted. 

Within the first few days an injury occurred to a Nurse and two Doctors who came to her aid when she was trying to wash him on his bed. Bruce called Steve who ran in to see Bucky’s body awkwardly arch in a painful chocking gasp, eyes unfocused, staring off to the side wide as in his right hand he gripped a yelling Doctor’s broken wrist while in his left he was chocking the Nurse as the other Doctor tried to pry his metal fingers free. Steve responded with the help of Tony using his Ironman glove to loosen the metal fingers while Steve freed the Doctor from the right. Bucky remained arched painfully gasping and unaware of his surroundings as Bruce induced a muscle relaxant and sedative. It had been decided after that incident that Steve would hold his right hand while his left was locked in a magnetic cuff during his evening bathing.

 

By the fourth day Bucky’s pain and disorientation had settled into less violent and physically distressing outbursts and instead frequent and constant twitches and spasms of his tensed muscles. Steve and the others watched helplessly as Bucky suffered with soft cry’s, cheeks wet with streaming tears from constant surges of intense pain that shown bright in his dilated eyes only to be replaced by dull vacancy when his morphine was increased. 

Finally after 8 long days the doctors had removed tubes and wires, stating that the damage to his brain stem had sufficiently healed and the swelling in other areas had decreased. Bucky was in fact making rapid progress according to the neurological specialists who marveled at the rate of his healing neurons and synapses’. For Steve however it was unbearably slow and he hated the feeling of helplessness as he watched his friend suffer, confused and in pain. The Captain spent most of the time at his friend’s side or in the gym working out his guilt and grief. Sam took it upon himself with the occasional assistance form Natasha to insist that Steve eat, sleep in his own bed and shower as the Captain seemed oblivious to his own needs.

During the long hours of watching and observing Bucky’s struggle with cognitive awareness Steve fought the urge to ask Wanda to read his mind or show him what he was thinking. Eventually he did not have to ask as the Scarlet witch stood next to him on the morning that Bucky finally made direct eye contact with Steve, his blue eyes wet with pain and clouded with confusion yet earnest and searching the Captain’s familiar face. Steve had leaned forward and gently taken Bucky’s stiff, contorted hand, rubbing the tense muscles softly as Bruce had shown him. Wanda placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder as she spoke, her accented words soft and full of compassion.

“He recognizes you…….He is in pain,…… and afraid,….. but he knows your face,……and he knows you have been here at his side…… He wants to ask you why he is in pain,……. He is confused.” Wanda tilted her head sympathetically and Steve swallowed as he brought a sad smile to his lips before reaching out his free hand slowly to stroke Bucky’s wet cheek. The Sargent flinched slightly and trembled with a plaintive wine from his throat but he did not look away, eyes imploring and desperate to understand.

“It’s okay Bucky……… I know you are confused,….. and you don’t understand what’s going on,…. Why,…..” Steve sighed as he fought back his own tears. “Why you are in pain,……You got hurt,…… your brain was damaged,…… and now it is healing,…… and I am your friend,….. everyone here,…. all the doctors,…….. everyone is trying to help you recover,…..you don’t have to be afraid pal,……. I am with you,…….till,…..” Steve’s voice choked and a tear slipped down his face as he ignored it and instead used his thumb to wipe away the wetness that stained Bucky’s cheeks. “…..Till the end of the line!” Steve’s voice while broken with emotion was underlined with steal resolve and the words brought a spark of recognition in his friends troubled blue eyes that grew momentarily and blinked rapidly, a choked sound coming from his throat as he opened his mouth as if to speak. But the look was shortly replaced by a painful grimace and whimper as the cognitive process of memory was still raw and painful. Steve let out a sigh as he gently stroked Bucky’s contorted expression of pain, his whole body shaking uncontrollably.

“He remembers Captain,……. He is seeing flashes of memory,…… you at different ages,……. It hurts so much…. But…but he isn’t fighting it,……. Just trying to hold on.” Wanada let out her own deep breathless sigh as tears flooded her vision, feeling his pain and desperate confusion wash over her.

A machine had begun beeping and a nurse walked over to the IV, adjusting the morphine. Bucky’s eyes opened slightly and his head arched awkwardly toward Steve as he made distressed, wounded sounds, hand spasmimg as he tried to grip Steve’s fingers as if terrified he would lose him, as if the drugs might take his memories with the pain.

“It’s Okay Buck,…. I got ya pal,…… I am right here,……. It’s okay,…….I won’t leave you! I promise,…… I got you Bucky,….. I got you!” Steve whispered as he closed distance, leaning down to kiss the top of Bucky’s shaved head, one hand holding his and the other stroking over his fuzzy scalp. The Captain closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Bucky’s as he felt the man shudder and tremble, small cries escaping his throat through an open mouth. The Scarlet Witch wiped at her own tears and turned toward Vision as he entered, Sam and Bruce at his sides, watching the heart breaking embrace as Steve continued to whisper reassurances to his injured friend.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
It wasn’t until hours later of unfocused pain and muscle spasms that once again Bucky managed to focus his vision on the source of a softly singing voice next to him. He made a choked noise as his right hand jerked toward Natasha who was whispering a Russian folk song as she typed on her tablet at his side after replacing a reluctant Captain, insisting he go with Sam for a run and a breath of fresh air. Natasha looked up at him with a warm, encouraging smile, eyes shining with genuine joy at his deliberate attempt to engage her. She set down the tablet and used both hands to take his contorted flesh hand in hers, smile growing into a grin as she saw the intense determination piercing through Bucky’s clouded vision.

“Well hey there Sargent Barnes!...... I knew you would come back to us!...... You and Rogers are two of a kind Kid,…….. Stubborn and head strong in all of the right ways!” She spoke with a soft comforting tone, calm and gentle as she took a hand and stroked his face. Her smile dimmed slightly as his looked changed to one of grief when he again opened his mouth, looking as though he wanted to speak but uttering only a choked gasp and moan. He blinked and a fresh wave of tears broke as he kept his wet eyes on hers, pleading for relief from his state of inability.

“Hey…… Shhh,… Shhhh, just calm down. You are healing,…. Recovering from a bad injury!...... You just have to accept that you can’t rush through this,….. I know it hurts,….. It’s okay,….. you are safe here,….. you are with friends!” Natasha spoke with calm authority, wiping his tears as she rest her head on her arm, eyes locked with his as one hand stroked his face, the other gently manipulating the fingers of his flesh hand. He jerked sharply and winced at the pain from his metal arm being cuffed as was the procedure for when Steve left his side. Natasha sighed and rubbed the tense muscles of his left shoulder as she began to sing again in Russian, keeping her eyes locked with his desperate, pleading stare, the eyes of a man trapped inside his own body.


	7. Stuborn Jerk

Ch 7

 

I got out of bed today, Swear to God I couldnt see my face  
I got out of bed today staring at a ghost  
Who forgot to float away, didnt have all that much to say  
Wouldnt even tell me his own name  
Whered my body go  
Where oh whered my body go?  
Africa or Mexico?  
Where or whered my body go?  
Whered my body go?  
Have you seen my ghost?  
Staring at the ground?  
Have you seen my ghost?  
Sick of those goddamn clouds  
Are you some kind of medicine man?  
Cut the demons out of my head  
You cant kill something thats already dead  
Just leave my soul alone  
I dont need no surgery  
Take those knives away from me  
Just wanna die in my own body  
A ghost just needs a home

 

Weighty Ghost   
By  
Wintersleep 

 

By the end of the second week the Medical Staff was ecstatic about their patients steady and relentless progress, none of them ever working with enhanced genetics. Their optimism was subdued however when in front of the Captain who was almost more desperate for Bucky’s recovery then the Sargent himself. Despite his heartache and grief Steve put on a bright and encouraging smile when he with Bucky who could now sit up, make eye contact for extended periods of time and was more aware of his surroundings. Wanda had confirmed that he had recovered many memories but was still struggling to focus on both the past and the present, often becoming overwhelmed if he pushed himself too hard to understand what was going on currently or if he was intent on organizing his thoughts. The intense flashes of pain were still frequent but instead of whimpered cries Bucky would grit his teeth and growl or moan bringing his hands up to cover his head. His lost, wounded look was replaced by a determined glare and general irritability that Steve tried to combat with constant cheerfulness while Natasha simply cocked an eyebrow at him until he looked away from her as she scolded him for pouting.

Steve ignored Bucky’s death glare as he sat in front of him at a table, the Sargent in a wheel chair. The Captain was talking about a shared memory of theirs, the first Christmas after Steve’s mother had died and he had joined the Barnes Family for their holiday, staying awake with Bucky all night getting drunk on Whiskey and eggnog, huddled by the old musty heater as they talked about wishing they had a real fire place. 

Steve picked up the spoon full of oat meal and blew on it before bringing it toward Bucky’s frowning locked jaw. Steve smiled with raised eye brows as he held the spoon right in front of his friend’s lips with an encouraging nod. Bucky snorted an angry breath and then flayed his right arm in a spastic jerk that knocked the spoon full of oatmeal out of Steve’s hands with a clatter, splattering Bucky’s white shirt.

Steve looked down at the spoon and sighed heavily, swallowing as he looked up at Bucky’s scornful, fiery eyes. He shook his head with his own huff before he got up and retrieved the spoon then went and got a wet wash cloth to wipe the mess off his irritable friend. As The Captain leaned over Bucky with the cloth he heard him make a resentful growl, followed by a cry that resembled the word “NO”. His arm jerked again with great effort and Steve was knocked back staggering.  
“Damint Buck!........ Stop being a Jerk will ya!........ I am trying here!” Steve shouted in exasperation and frustration, his temper flaring in his exhaustion. He rubbed his eyes as he heard Bucky make the guttural NO sound again, but this time with a shattered crack in his voice. 

Steve looked up at Bucky who had his eyes squeezed tight against tears, breathing heavy through his noise both hands shaking and clenched. Instantly Steve felt his unrelenting guilt crash over him and he took a few steps forward then knelt down in front of Bucky’s wheel chair, head down and shoulders slumped before he again looked up at his friend with remorse and spoke with a broken plea.

“I’m sorry Bucky,….. I am so sorry pal!..... This is my fault,…… it’s all my fault that this has happened to you!........ I wasn’t there to watch your back,…… God Bucky I have failed to keep you safe so many times,…… You are in all this pain because I couldn’t…… I wasn’t……. I…..” Steve hung his head with a wet, shuddered sigh, shoulders shaking as he swallowed down a sob, reminding himself he had to be strong. This wasn’t about him, it was about helping Bucky. The Capatin let out another steading breath as he heard a plaintive noise from above him as Bucky’s right hand softly jerked against the top and side of his head. Steve looked up as he raised his hand to help press Bucky’s tensed fingers and half clenched palm to his own face. 

Their eyes met, both wet and full of remorse and sadness. Bucky’s lips were in a pout, eyes soft with concern for his kneeling friend. Bucky shook his head slowly in an akward twist, gaze begging Steve not to blame himself. Steve smiled up at Bucky as he held the palm to his face and then turned and gave it a kiss, eyes shining bright with appreciation that even now, in this state, Bucky was still trying to comfort Steve. After a moment longer Bucky lifted his eyebrows and opened his mouth as if to indicate that he would cooperate and was ready to try eating again. Steve huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes as he stood up and gently ruffled Bucky’s short, growing back hair.

“Yea sure,….. now you’re ready to eat!...... Let me get a clean spoon!...... Am I gonna have to cry and beg every time I want you to eat Jackass!” Steve teased playfully as he got another spoon and then took his seat smiling as Bucky offered a stiff shrug and his own small, timid smile before opening his mouth again and excepting a spoon full of oatmeal, trying to eat it without it spilling down his chin. That was a level of coordination he didn’t yet have back and Steve knew to keep a cloth in his other hand, wiping up the excess food that spilled out with a soft smile at the irritated groan Bucky made at his own disability.

“So where was I,…… Oh yea,…… You were mad at me for pawning some of my Ma’s jewelry to buy presents for you and your sister and I told you I wasn’t a charity case and we started fussing because we had been hitting the whiskey and egg nog pretty hard…… So right when I stood up and started putting on my coat all drunk and pissed off, you grab me and shove me into the coach all clumsy,……. about to fall over your self,…….” Steve laughed as he helped feed another spoonful into Bucky’s parted lips as his friend watched him intently, listening to the story of their past.

“And you grab a present from under the tree and throw it at me all pouting like a giant toddler,……” Steve fixed him with a pointed look and Bucky grunted with a slight smile then opened his mouth again for another spoonful.

“Fine Rogers,….. But you ain’t setting one foot out this Damn apartment until you open that gift Punk!” Steve mimicked the way Bucky had sounded, deliberately slurring the words pointing at Bucky with the spoon. He smiled as Bucky’s breath hitched in a wheezing, stuttered laugh, the first he had seen since his friend had been taken and wiped. Steve’s smile grew into a genuine grin before he shook his head and let out his own easy laugh. He spooned another helping and then continued, his voice soft and reverent with his deep fondness,

“So I open the package with a big old dramatic huff while calling you a stupid Jerk,……. And in my hands was a leather sketch portfolio,….. with 12 sheets of professional grade paper for sketching, a charcoal set and pencils.” Steve set down the spoon after wiping Bucky’s mouth, an earnest look of love and sincerity written plainly on his face as he gazed at Bucky with deep, thoughtful eyes.

“I hadn’t been accepted to art school that fall because I couldn’t afford the portfolio or the paper for the application,… They required 12 sketches on that fancy paper and I tried to give them three sketch books full of my art but they wouldn’t take it…… I was so cross with them I told you I didn’t even want to go and you gave me shit for it for months until I finally agreed I would try to apply the next semester……..” Steve let out a small sigh as he shook his head and then picked up another spoonful for Bucky who blinked his large blue eyes at him with a look of deliberate concentration.

“You always pushed me the hardest when you knew I was being stubborn and letting my temper get in the way of what I wanted………..You always believed in me Bucky, when I had no one else to help me out,…… and when I was trying to push you away, hid my shame, or drown in self pity…… you never gave up on me,….. and you pushed me to do better,…. To be better.” Steve offered Bucky the last spoonful and then wiped his mouth with the cloth.

“You are one of the strongest men I have ever known,…… And I will push you and make damn sure you remember that Buck,…….. You are a fighter James Buchanan Barnes,….. and you can fight to get better,….. just stop fighting me,…… because when it comes to helping my friends……. I will never give up……. Got it?” Steve questioned and smiled softly as Bucky nodded stiffly eyes large and full of emotion as a tear escaped down his cheek then another. Steve leaned in and hugged his friend in reassurance, offering a smile to Clint and Natasha who had been hovering in the door way for several minutes listening to Steve’s speech. They exchanged knowing looks before Steve leaned back smiling at Bucky, promising to have his back through thick and thin.


	8. One Step at a Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall, Thank you so much for the love and support and reviews! I know this story gets a bit short and rushed at the end but I had a large writer’s block during the creation of this tale and so wanted to get it finished before I lost steam completely and It was unfinished. The reason I update frequently is I write a story completely first then post as I edit each chapter individually. Anyway I hope this has still been a satisfying read and feel free to look at my other stories. I have some other ideas that will be worked on at some point hopefully!

Ch. 8

Steve sat in the common room quietly sketching Natasha as she sat relaxed on the couch reading a book of advanced code breaking, her brow creased in concentration. Steve smirked when she glanced his way with a questioning look realizing she was the subject of his drawling. With a small smile she got up and walked over toward the Captain to get a look at his work.

“Well I wasn’t finished yet!” Steve grumbled as she leaned over and nodded in approval.

“Not bad Rodgers,……but are my eyebrows really that intense?” She smirked and he rolled his eyes.

“Well you were concentrating.” He shrugged and she hummed in response.

“Hey kids!.......Wanna see something incredibly Amazing!” Stark strolled into the common area and received the attention of Steve and Natasha as well as Clint who was in the kitchen and Wanda and Vision who were relaxed near by watching a documentary on Ancient Greece.

Tony cleared his throat and stepped aside as slowly Bruce and Sam appeared in the door way, each helping to support Bucky who was in the middle wearing knee length blue gym shorts and a gray t-shirt, brown tuff of hair mostly grown back and messy . Both the Doctor and Councilor were offering patient and encouraging expressions as Sargent Barnes glanced nervously up at Steve and then away with a shy, anxious smile.

“Hey Buck!” Steve grinned as he stood up and headed toward them but Stark held up a hand to stop him with a smirk and knowing expression.

“You ready Sargent?” Sam asked softly as he continued to provide support to Bucky’s right side. The recovering man let out an unsteady breath, then nodded hesitantly as a tremor of adrenaline ran through him. Slowly he stood up straighter fixing his blue eyes on Steve with a determined look and a set jaw. He took a step forward, and then another, body moving with stiff, awkward movements until he stepped away completely from both Dr. Banner and Wilson, finally able to take independent steps, a task he had been working toward in physical therapy for the past five weeks since he had regained conscious awareness.

He had been in a wheel chair for the first two weeks after he was able to get out of the medical bed and had worked hard at his physical therapy, at times pushing himself out of the chair in an attempt to force himself to walk. It had been a frustrating and humiliating process for the fiercely independent Sargent who still fell into fits of resentment and anger followed by grief and shame as his brain continued to rewire and connect it’s self-back together. The Doctors were astounded by his escalating healing and recovery and yet for Bucky it was agonizingly slow and tremendously frustrating to struggle with the simplest motor functions as well as verbal communication, his movements clumsily and spastic, speech slurred and stuttered.

Steve watched with genuine excitement and a huge grin as Bucky took one small shuffled step after another, his white ankle socks hardly leaving the carpet, muscles flexing as a look of intense focus and stubborn determination masked his face, hands off to the side and out to help him balance. He had been working on walking with the help of others and therapy mechanisms for almost three weeks, pushing himself harder then the doctors recommended but proving his will power was as strong as ever. Steve felt his heart swell in pride as the others watched with the same sincerity and supportive nods. On his ninth step his foot caught and he stumbled, Steve instantly wanting to step forward but Bucky caught himself and shook his head, eyes locked on his friend as he balanced himself. His shoulders were hunched and he swallowed as he took a breath.

“You got this Buck!” Steve nodded as he spoke with solid conviction, fighting the impulse to close distance. Bucky flashed him a small smirk and nod then took another step forward, and another until he had walked almost all the way to the couch and it wasn’t until he let out a slightly exhausted breath, tense muscles shaking with the effort and eyes dropping that Steve took the two large steps forward so that his friend could collapse against him, once more held up and supported.

There was a shared call of celebration, clapping and cheering as Steve wrapped his arms around his friend who was shaking but grinning, eyes shinning in relief and joy that he could once again stand and walk on his own. Steve held him tight and rubbed his back with a look of gratitude in his eyes as he smiled at Sam, Bruce and Tony who hung back with smiles of their own.

“You did it Bucky!...... God I am so Proud of you!...... You are incredible you know that you stubborn Jerk!” Steve laughed as Bucky hid his face, forehead on Steve’s collar bone as he smiled shyly.

“His recovery is remarkable! The progress he makes each day takes most Brain Trauma patients weeks Steve,…. Some months!.......The other Doctors and astounded!” Bruce confirmed walking closer as did the others. Steve carefully supported Bucky as he lowered them both down onto the couch and helped position Bucky’s body so he was sitting up but reclined comfortably, Natasha sliding a pillow behind his back to prop him up easier. The Sargent wore a tight smile beneath eyes that communicated the strain he had just endured and the ever constant headache he had grown use to. Steve stroked his short hair and Bucky closed his eyes briefly leaning against Steve’s hand before opening his exhausted eyes and met his gaze with a tired but self satisfied smile.

“You hear that Buck,…… You keep blowing the specialists away!...... The Docs have never seen anyone recover as fast!” Steve grinned and Bucky huffed a laugh and then opened his mouth to speak, his words slow and slurred as he focused with deliberate effort, eyes locked with Steve.

“Soooonnn…..I….Wwwilllll….beeee …… D… Dan…..cing …….. awwwllllll …… ah…round!” Bucky smiled but his eyes betrayed his frustration that his speech was still distorted. It was the one area of recover Bucky was not eager to push himself as he felt embarrassed at the way he sounded, becoming self conscious whenever he spoke aloud.

“Yhea I know it pal!........ You are doing so great Buck!” Steve’s eyes shown bright with admiration and love. He chuckled as Bucky huffed and rolled his eyes before stiffly falling sideways into Steve, his head leaning against his friend as he sighed, breathing still slightly elevated and clearly worn out. “Time for a break?..... Wanna watch some baseball?” Steve asked amused that Bucky had clearly indicated that Steve was to be his pillow. Bucky nodded against Steve’s arm, eyes half open and gaze fixed on the table. Steve moved his arm to wrap around Bucky’s shoulders and Sam leaned over the couch to help move Bucky’s body so he was comfortably reclining against his friend, slightly repositioning the pillow Natasha had slipped behind him.

“You good Sargent?” Sam asked with a soft smile once Bucky’s tense body was shifted into what looked most comfortable. Bucky nodded and then opened his mouth to speak, once more struggling with his words, fists clenched at his side, a sign he was agitated by his inability but was trying to control his emotional reaction.

“Thhhirrr…..sssty.” He swallowed and licked his lips, eyes asking with an apologetic smirk, still feeling uncomfortable with asking for help.

“Sure thing,…… you want water?...... Juice?...... Gatorade?” Sam asked as he stood up strait hands on his hips. Bucky’s brow crumpled and he shook his head that was leaned against Steve’s right side, the captain’s arm wrapped around his right shoulder, hand gently scratching through his short brown hair.

“Whhhhiii…ssskyyy!” Bucky stammered with a determined frown and demanding expression, already expecting the answer no. He was answered by a surprised laugh as Sam covered his mouth and shook his head. Clint and Tony nodded with amusement and Bruce sighed with a smile.

“Bucky….” Steve’s tone was plaintive and Bucky shifted to glare side ways up at him in challenge.

“What?..... He wants to celebrate!...... God knows he’s earned it!” Clint chimed in as he walked into Bucky’s view with an affirming nod that he supported the request.

“I second that notion and suggest we all share a toast?!” Tony chimed in already heading for the liquor cabinet.

“What do you think Doc?” Sam asked with a shrug as he deferred to Bruce who was still smiling as he rubbed his face.

“Well,…. given the circumstances,…… I am sure that one,….. SMALL drink,…. Wouldn’t do any harm.” Banner relented with a sigh. He shook his head and exchanged looks with Sam and Steve as Natasha and Clint helped hand out the glasses of Whiskey on ice, Bucky’s with a straw. Natasha sat on the arm of the couch with a sly smile as she helped Bucky’s hand grip the glass, supporting his hand as he brought the drink toward him and opened his mouth. Steve had a drink in one hand and used his other that was wrapped around Bucky to guide the straw into his mouth as Stark raised his glass, the others gathered around.

“A toast to Sargent James Buchannan Barnes,…. One of the most stubborn and determined OLD men I have had the pleasure to put up with!.........Here’s to the ultimate come back Kid!” Tony grinned and the others chuckled as they took their drinks, Bucky making a pleased sigh as he sucked on the bitter but smooth liquor, Natasha’s hand interlaced with his on the glass as she gave him a warm smile and nod, drinking her own glass. Recovery was slow and painful but Bucky was grateful to have his friends, his family there to help him heal and celebrate his resilience.


	9. a solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again so much for your love and reviews!!!! This plus one more to go to wrap it all up! More HURT/COMFORT! I too am an addict!
> 
> Also Damn you WALMART! I have now bought two Civil War shirts and am wearing one now!!!!

CH 9

Two more weeks had pass with steady but difficult progress as Bucky continued to push himself as hard as he could, at times becoming distraught and acting out with violent and destructive temper tantrums that he was ashamed of after, his emotions still difficult to regulate. His motor skills had been improving as had his speech but his constant struggle left him irritable and sullen. 

It was late afternoon and he sat stiffly at the dining room table in the common area focusing on opening a package of rice pudding, an easy to swallow snack that Bucky could retrieve from the refrigerator by himself without asking others for help. Steve sat nearby sketching but couldn’t help glancing up at his friend who was struggling to pinch the tinfoil lid and pull it back. Steve tried to keep his face neutral and his gaze fixed on the page in front of him even as he watched Bucky’s frustration with the simple task escalate as he attempted to control the muscles of his flesh hand and not squeeze the pudding too hard with his metal one. He wanted to offer help but knew that the only way Bucky would continue to improve was by practicing and forging the neurological connections from his brain to his muscles. Steve frowned in sympathy as Bucky let out a huff of annoyance as the cup slipped and fell on it’s side still unopened. 

The Captain looked up at the far corner behind Bucky where Sam, Bruce and Stark all watched the Sargent battle the pudding cup with determination and intensity. As the former assassin continued to labor at the simple task, brow knit and eyes focused, the tension in his body was increasing and sending uncontrollable tremors through his muscles. Finally with a guttural cry of frustration and anger Bucky clenched his metal hand into a fist, smashing the pudding and sending glops of white all over the table and himself. The cry was broken and filled with strangled humility as Bucky hung his head in defeat, shoulders shaking in silent sobs at his failure. His emotions were so drastic and uncontrollable that he often tried to hid away in embarrassment, avoiding eye contact. 

Steve glanced over at his friends who exchanged understanding looks, then set down his sketch book and walked over to Bucky, sitting down next to him. With calm reassurance, Steve rest a hand on Bucky’s right shoulder, massaging the tensed muscle with firm pressure as his friend struggled to withhold muffled cries of exasperation and hopeless whimpers of rage and despair, eyes squeezed shut and face hidden in his metal palm. Steve spoke softly, using reassuring words to remind him of how far he had come and how well he was doing. Near by Natasha appeared with a wet wash cloth as she quietly wiped the pudding from his clothes and body.

When she took his metal hand away from his face to wipe away the sticky pudding he looked up at her with wet eyes filled with humility and despair, shoulders slumped and mouth in a pout. Natasha offered him a gentle smile and used the cloth to wipe his wet cheeks and then the pudding on his metal hand. She stroked his hair that was now it’s normal length, short on the sides and messy on the top. Bucky swallowed as he averted his eyes from her sympathetic expression and once more hung his head with a deflated sigh.

“I know it’s hard Barnes, we all do…….But you can do this. We believe in you!” Natasha bent low and whispered into his hear then kissed his temple before standing up straight exchanging a look with Steve as he offered her a nod and thankful smile beneath worried eyes as his hand rubbed Bucky’s back soothingly. The sullen Sargent leaned into Steve with an another deep sigh, eyes still down cast but the trembling of his tense muscles easing to only small twitches and shakes.

“I…….hate…….this…….Steve.” Each word was said with deliberate effort so they were not slurred, just slow.

“I know you do Buck,……… It just takes time,……… you are recovering so well,….. but you need to be patient with yourself……….. I promise it will get easier pal.” Steve sighed as he wrapped his arm around Bucky who had collapsed against him limply, exhausted from his effort and discouraged that he couldn’t do something so simple.

A moment later Clint walked over and casually put down a bowl of the rice pudding in front of Bucky, a spoon stuck in the middle. The Sargent looked at the bowl then up at Clint who just shrugged and nodded before walking away, their exchanges always simple and uncomplicated. Steve smiled as Bucky smirked at the bowl and then sat up straight taking a calming breath and carefully focusing as he used his right hand to hold the spoon. Steve watched with quiet support as Bucky maneuvered the spoon and then picked up the pudding, leaning forward and shoveling it into his mouth. With a relived sigh Bucky’s shoulders relaxed and a smile crossed his face as he chewed and swallowed, before again focusing on the task at hand.

A brilliant streak of lighting flashed in the early evening sky outside the large glass doors of the balcony and a crash of Thunder followed as Thor suddenly appeared on the balcony after being gone for almost a month. He was about to open the doors when they slid automatically, a new feature Stark upgraded after the last time the God of thunder made his entrance and pulled the door of the hinges accidently. He looked puzzled for a moment then smirked and nodded at Stark in acknowledgement.

“People who carry hammers really have no business around large panes of glass. Especially since we discovered that reinforced bullet proof is not Thor hammer proof!” Tony declared as a greeting to the Asgardian who nodded with an amused smile before greeting the others with handshakes and friendly smiles. Thor made his way around the room and then paused after shaking Steve’s hand, gesturing toward Bucky who had once more resumed his intensely focused task of eating, fumbling with the spoon as he glared with single minded focus at the pudding.

“How is our brother in arms fairing?....... He seems to have healed a great deal since last I lay eyes upon him.” Thor’s normally booming voice was subtle and discreet, whispered so that only Steve and Bruce could hear him, the others still staggered around the room. Steve looked over his shoulder at Bucky and watched with a heartfelt sigh as his friend’s grip on the spoon faltered and the pudding landed on his gray shirt instead of in his mouth. The Sargent huffed with annoyance and looked away from the pudding as he took a calming breath before once more carefully gripping the spoon. Natasha slid in next to him and used one finger to scoop the pudding off of Bucky’s shirt and into her mouth with a raised eyebrow. Her expression made the Sargent blush as he shook his head with a small chuckle.

“He’s hanging in there.” Steve sighed again and looked back toward Thor with a helpless shrug. “Its hard for him,……. Maybe even harder then before.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke to Thor and Bruce quietly as Sam and Clint joined them. Steve glanced toward Bucky again who was grinning as Natasha leaned forward mouth open as he awkwardly fed her another bite of rice pudding. 

“When we first brought him here,….. God,….” Steve shook his head with a grimace. “He was a mess, his mind was all over the place, hallucinations and nightmares,….. and the physical stress from starvation and detox from Hydra’s drugs….it almost killed him.” Steve’s voice was heavy and thick with emotion as he turned back to face his friends and teammates. Bruce nodded as he recalled the months of psychological rehabilitation and the life threatening toxicology that had left the Winter Soldier on death’s door step.

“But once his body healed, he just had to get his head together…… and it was hard, but,….. so much of his struggle was inside his own mind, all we could do was be there for him and try to help him remember.” Steve swallowed and wiped his face.

“This……..” He gestured helplessly with a shake of his head “…. it’s almost worse…… His mind is there, his memories came back and he knows who he is, and where. But……. he doesn’t have control over his own body……. I think that feeling,….. that sense of loss,…… and vulnerability,……. Helplessness…..’ Steve watched as Bucky tried to keep the smile on his face beneath pained eyes, once more struggling to feed himself. “That lack of control,….. I think it scares him and he fights back against his injury,…….. pushing himself too hard because he hates feeling trapped and useless.” Steve swallowed and looked at his feet and then up at the others with a worried glance. “Bucky is a fighter, always has been,….. but in this battle, there is no one to fight against but himself,……. And I’m worried he might get more self-destructive the longer it takes him to recover.” Steve felt the weight of his own words heavy on his chest and he sighed, rubbing his eyes. He felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder and Supportive reassurance from the others, their words of patience so similar to his own softly spoken encouragement to Bucky only moments before. 

Steve looked up when he felt another strong hand land on his other shoulder. Thor held him at arm’s length with a serious look in his eyes but also a soft smile on his lips.

“Captain,…… I have brought a gift from the healers of my world.” Thor’s words held promise but also caution and concern.

“A gift?....... To help Buck?” Steve’s voice was a mixture of disbelief and urgency, half pleading and half demand. Thor nodded then looked past the Captain toward Bucky with an uncertainty.

“It will heal our brother,….. but it will also cause him to suffer,……. And I do not know if the pain is worth the relief of an immediate recovery.” Thor watched Bucky a moment longer then met Steve’s confused, desperate eyes before looking at Bruce. 

“I was given warning by the Healers of my realm,… that no mortal man could survive the power and force of this magic,….. but the sample of Sargent Barnes’s blood was able to with stand the tonic.” Thor explained to Bruce. The Doctor had provided Thor with the genetic material, aware of his intention to petition his Father and the high council of Asgaurd on Bucky’s behalf. It was no small matter for the Thunder God to request once again the use their power over the universal energy to interfere with a misguardan life. He had done it to save Jane Foster and was once more asking on behalf of his fellow Avengers. Thor opened a satchel he was caring and withdrew a glowing orange bottle. It looked like fire and smoke swirled inside of its round glass body, leading up to a thin long neck with a silver lid connected by an embellished chain. It was only 6 inches tall and as Thor held it gently into the middle of the gathered men, there was collective awe at its beauty and strangeness.

“It’s not liquid?” Steve asked with a bewildered tone, eyes locked on the fiery glows of the flickering bottle.

“No,…. It is raw life energy,….. what your religions call spirit or soul.” Thor explained and Bruce very carefully took the bottle with intrigue and amazement.

“What from definitely not earth is that!” Stark whistled as he approached, drawn to the mystical beauty of the strange object like the others were.

“This Mr. Stark,… is the essence of life, the fire that burns eternally from the well of Urd under the great tree of life, Yggdrasil who’s branches extend through the 9 realms.” Thor watched with an amused smile as Stark carefully accepted the glowing bottle from Bruce, examining it with a cocked eyebrow.

“Thor says it can heal Bucky.” Steve’s voice held hope as well as uncertainty.

“Hey, Jarvis,….. can you give me anything on this mystical orange smoke?” Stark asked his AI who responded with a human like bewilderment.

No Sir,…… I can not. It has a signature of life,…… all life,…….it,…… it is unquantifiable.

“Hey Fella’s,…… Barnes and I are feeling left out of the show and tell!” Natasha spoke up from the table as she used a napkin to wipe up some more pudding that didn’t quite make it to Bucky’s mouth. He too was watching the gathered Avengers with a knit brow and anxious curiosity.

Thor retrieved the bottle from Stark and walked over toward the table pulling out a chair next to Bucky who’s eyes were fixated on the glowing vile. The other’s stood around the table and Steve sat down next to Natasha, close to Bucky. Thor set the bottle down in the center of the table then placed a steady hand on Bucky’s left shoulder with kind, comforting eyes.

“James Buchanan, Son of Barnes,…….this is a gift from the healers of my realm,….. a magic that has the power to restore your body and mind,……to help you take back control and once more stand at our side as a brave a formable alie.” Thor’s tone turned more serious as his grip slid from Bucky’s shoulder to his metal for arm, clasping it with both hands. Bucky’s wide blue eyes fluttered and he slowly shifted his gaze from the bottle to Thor, blinking rapidly.

“It will only take one sip, and by morning you will be able to stand proud and strong again…… But first, there will be tremendous suffering, pain that will tare through you with power you cannot imagine.” Bucky’s brow creased as he listened to the Asgurdian’s warning. “Once it begins there will be no way to stop it or sooth the agony, you must let the fire consume you completely until it has become a part of you.” Thor sighed as he released Bucky’s arm and sat back, studying the Sargent as did the others. Bucky’s gaze was pensive and he looked away from Thor and back toward the glowing energy.

“How long with it take to run it’s course through his system?” Bruce asked with trepidation and clinical concern.

“I can not be certain,…… But the Fates made it clear that he would suffer greatly from sun set to sun rise and then would need rest, but upon wakening he would be as he was before, the damage to his brain completely healed.” Thor crossed his arms turning back toward Bucky whose attention was completely fixated on the orange bottle, eyes contemplative as he watched the swirling smoke flicker.

“Buck,…… do you understand what Thor is saying?........What this bottle is?” Steve asked gently, uncertain if his friend was able to fully grasp the meaning and possibility. All eyes were on Bucky who sat very still, mesmerized by the bottle as he took deep quivering breaths, both hands tightening into fists. There was a long moment of tense silence until Steve spoke again as Natasha gently stroked the side of the despondent man’s face.

“Bucky?....... Do you understand?” The Captain asked again, with a deep concern in his voice. Without taking his gaze from the bottle the Sargent nodded and swallowed, licking his lips before he spoke.

“It…… will….. fix…. Me.” Bucky stated simply, his voice small and childlike as he continued to watch the orange smoke swirl with in the bottle.

“But it will hurt Bucky,…… you will be in pain,….. and we won’t be able to stop it.” Steve’s voice shook and he felt a hand on his shoulder, aware that Sam was at his side. 

Bucky’s blue eyes blinked again and he shifted his gaze toward Steve with a thoughtful look and a swallow before opening his mouth to speak as his hands remained in fists.

“I …….know….. pain……Steve…...It….. goes…….away,.......” Bucky tried to offer a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I……. am…… good…… at ….pain…….but….not ……..good….at…….be-ing……. Use-less.” He let out a deep breath as speaking took tremendous effort and concentration just like everything else did.

“Sargent,….. I know,….we all know how hard this recovery has been for you,…. But you are already making so much progress, and so much faster than other brain trauma patients….. If you continue to work and give your mind a little longer to repair the connections I am certain…..” Bruce was cut off as Bucky shook his head, eyes becoming fierce and challenging as he stared pointedly at the doctor with steel determination.

“NO……… I……..n..need…… to…… b..b..be…… better…..n..n..now!..........I…… can…….. t..t..t.take ….. the…..paaaiiinn! Bucky’s voice stuttered with the emotional force behind his fragmented speech. He looked back down at the bottle and nodded with absolute conviction. “I…..am…..ready!”

Steve let out a deflated sigh and looked toward the others who exchanged knowing glances of concern but compassionate understanding and acceptance. The Captain reached forward and took Bucky’s flesh hand in his own and nodded.

“Okay Buck,……. It’s your call,……You are the one in control.” Steve offered a small smile and Bucky nodded back with a sigh of relief even as his shoulders shook with slight apprehension.


	10. Recovery

CH 10

 

Sargent Barnes was back in the medical lab, laying at a reclined angle with his metal arm in restraints, his right hand clasped in Steve’s who stood at his side. Around them was a small regime of doctors who all watched with fascination tempered with uncertainty as they monitored the completely uncharted medical procedure about to take place. Thor walked up to Bucky’s left side with the bottle in his hand and a question in his eyes. Bucky looked out the nearest window at the setting sun, the last rays of light glinting off the buildings. With a deep breath he turned toward Thor and nodded, his expression calm and prepared to face his on coming ordeal. Nearby Dr. Banner stood with Tony as they hovered around machines that monitored Bucky’s vital signs and nervous system.

The Thunder God held the bottle toward The Sargent and then opened the top a few inches from his parted lips.

“Breath in Sargent, and may you keep your strength through this torment.” Thor spoke as Bucky took a deep breath. Steve watched in horrified fascination as the glowing energy drifted from the bottle and into Bucky’s mouth and noise. Thor pulled the bottle back after only a few seconds, replacing the cap on the still mostly full bottle. He watched with the Captain as Bucky’s breath hitched and he made a sudden gasping noise, his back arching as his blue eyes became large and dilated, flashing a bright orange color then turning almost purple as he began to shake, collapsing back into the bead with a contorted grimace on his face. Steve’s jaw locked as his eyes watched in helpless fear as Bucky began to seizure, his whole body shaking and a cold sweat breaking out over his bare torso that had monitors stuck to his chest and ribs. 

Bucky began choking and sputtering, teeth gritted as growls of agony escaped his throat, his eyes slamming shut, hand clenching Steve’s so hard he felt the bones fracturing. The Captain did not pull away but stayed with the pain, in some ways feeling like he should share in his friend’s suffering.

“His heart rate is through the roof!” Stark muttered to Bruce with concern as Banner looked at his own monitor with a swallow.

“His entire nervous system is sending pain singles to his brain,…… it’s like the connections are being fused back together.” Bruce watched the read out with fascination.

“It’s okay Buck,…… I got you!” Steve let out a choked promise as Bucky convulsed in unrelenting agony, crying out uncontrollably through his strained throat and locked jaw. Tears poured down his face from eyes that were squeezed shut. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Hours past with many doctors and nurses leaving as they felt overwhelmed by their penitent’s continuous suffering that they could do nothing to stop. Steve sat next to Bucky, his hand bruised and broken in a wrap after Thor forced him to let go of his friend’s crushing grip. The Thunder God had taken his leave but was coming back shortly and in his place Sam stood behind Steve with a hand on his shoulder, both men watching as Barnes continued to gasp and cry in excruciating distress. Natasha and Clint had been there for some time but eventually Clint bolted, reliving the horror of watching the Sargent restrained and screaming in pain. Similarly, the Scarlet Witch and Vision had come to support their teammates but Wanda became physically ill by his mental agony that she could not help but feel.

Bruce and Steve were the two constants and while the Captain remained stead fast and committed by his friend’s side, Bruce lingered in the back by his monitors, evaluating the progress and taking notes. He looked up with a solemn nod of recognition as Tony walked in holding two mugs of coffee, one for himself and one for the good Doctor who accepted it with a small smile. 

They stood in silence as the music of 1940’s jazz played softly from the speakers. Early on in the recovery process when Steve had first brought the half crazed and tragically lost Winter Soldier to the Tower, they had discovered the power of music on calming the volatile Soldier and on triggering positive memories. It was a comfort to both time lost super soldiers and Steve had expressed his thanks many times over, amazed how Tony’s speakers even captured the sound of vinyl.

 

Stark let out a deep sigh and shook his head when Bucky’s body arched again as a particularly haggard cry ripped through him and Steve hung his head, shoulder’s shaking.

“This is insanity!......Why did we okay this Bruce?” Stark asked with a dishearten groan.

“Because it wasn’t our call Tony.” Bruce shrugged as together they watched their fellow teammate and friend go through hell.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was just before dawn when Bucky’s torment finally seemed to ease, his body still shaking but not with violent convulsions and his harsh, desperate cries were replaced by deep quivering breaths and moans. Steve accepted a clean washcloth from Natasha and gently wiped the tears and sweat from his friends face and chest. Bruce stood on the other side unlocking the restraint from his metal arm as Stark used a scanner to evaluate his current condition.

“His heart rate has decreased but is still not at resting level……. However his nervous system seems to have finally settle down and the activity in his brain is more fluid and less rapid fire……. I think it’s safe to say Barns is over the worst of it,…. Finally!” Tony sighed, rubbing his own weary eyes .

As if in response the unconscious man let out a whimpered moan, brow creased as a few more tears trickled from his closed eyes. His head rolling on the pillow as his hands clenched the sheets of his bed.

“Shhh,…..it’s okay,……. I got ya Buck. Your gonna be fine.” Steve spoke softly as he wiped Bucky’s face and then ran a hand through his sweaty mess of hair.

“He will rest now as the sun breaks the horizon,…… as should you Captain.” Thor spoke with compassion and was seconded by Natasha.

“I wanna be here when he wakes up.” Steve stated simply leaning back in his chair and wiping his tired face before crossing his arms.

“Yea I figured you say that Spangles!........ Common, Sleepy by time!” Stark spoke as he wheeled over another medical med next to Bucky, while Bruce pulled away Steve’s chair and Natasha dragged him to his feet taking his coat and gently pushing him backwards onto the bed before unlacing his boots. Steve smirked and tried to protest but Natasha told him to hush. The other Avenger’s excited and Tony put a dark tint on the window as the sun sparkled over the New York city sky scrapers. 

Steve lay on his side, eyes blinking and heavy with sleep as he watched the slowly evening breaths of his best friend, Bucky’s face was at last softening into a peaceful expression, the tremors becoming less and the tears drying on his cheeks. He looked more relaxed then he had in months and Steve let out an exhausted sigh, finally succumbing to sleep.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Steve opened his groggy eyes in the midafternoon light, the tint on the large window lifted. He blinked and then looked up startled as James Buchanan Barnes smiled down at him, sitting opposite on his own bed a few feet away. Bucky’s eyes were shining bright, pale blue over an easy smile. There was no tension in his shoulders, no tremors in his hands and his expression soften more when he saw the look of desperate relief reflected back at him from Steve’s astounded expression.

“Hey there Stevie,…….Glad you got some shut eye ya stubborn Jerk!” Bucky smirked and Steve let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

“Bucky!” Steve exhaled and instantly was off his bed and grabbing his oldest friend in a crushing hug. Bucky let out a startled laugh as he retuned the embrace, scooting off the bed so they were both standing.

“How are you feeling Buck?.... Are you okay?..... What do you need?” Steve stepped back, both hands on Bucky’s shoulders as his eyes searched his friend and looked him up and down.

“I am fine Steve,…… I am okay,…… That magic potion or whatever it was,……. It did the trick.” Bucky confirmed with an easy, reassuring smile as Steve brought his hand up to the side of his friend’s face, both making eye contact that expressed their gratefulness and relief.

“Awwww, So glade we got to see this touching Kodak moment!” The two Super Soldiers turned toward the sound of chuckles as Stark sauntered into the lab followed by Natasha who walked right up to Barnes and wrapped him in a gentle hug. No words were needed as he smiled and nodded and she stroked his face.

“Amazing!.......... I mean,……. I don’t……….” Banner had appeared off to the side looking over his monitors before crossing the room to take a good look at Bucky up and down who rolled his eyes and shifted slightly uncomfortable with the attention. “We need to evaluated your reflexes and hand eye coordination and auditory abilities with visual analysis to make sure……”

“Easy Doc,……. Why don’t we let Barnes get some food in him first?..........Clint made a special Kentucky Bourbon pulled pork that he has been bragging about all morning.” Sam had appeared and was walking toward them with a casual smile. He stuck out his hand and Bucky grinned as he took it. “That is if you feel like eating?” Sam asked. Bucky let out a soft laugh and nodded, then ran his hand through his hair with a grimace.

“Yhea,….. but first I need to Shower,……..I smell like I have been running a marathon.” Bucky joked and Steve rubbed his back.

“Seriously though Buck,…… You were in so much pain last night,……..how are you feeling?..... Be honest!” Steve demanded with protective concern. Bucky looked up at Steve with a subdued smile and looked away for a moment.

“It wasn’t that bad Steve……” Bucky shrugged, his eyes off to the side, voice mumbled. “I’ve been through worse.” He looked back up with an apologetic expression as Steve’s eyes looked grief stricken, mouth in a deep frown.  
“Oh Buck!” Steve exhaled as he reached forward and pulled his best friend into another hug, reassuring himself that his friend was safe and no longer in pain. “I am so sorry,…… sorry for everything!” Steve sighed and Bucky pulled away and shook his head with a small smile wresting a hand on the Captain’s shoulder.

“Stevie….. Common! If it wasn’t for you and this team of weridos you call family,…… I wouldn’t be here Cap,…… Now let me go wash off this stink cuze I am gonna eat everything in that kitchen!” Bucky grinned and Steve smiled back the others nodding with looks of relief. No matter how bad things got they knew they had each other and the strength to recover.

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reviewing and I hope the end was satisfying!!!


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